How to Save Your Marriage? Make Your Marriage save & Work Again; These Tips Can Help! Marriage is the holy bond between a man and a woman. But setting aside the religious and social angle of this age-old tradition, marriage is nothing but the union of two hearts and minds.
How to Save Your Marriage?
The ideal marriage begins and ends with the compatibility of both your heart and soul. However, if there is a gap between this compatibility, then that marriage will stop working.
But if you face one such scenario, how can you save the marriage? This is what this post is all about. Thinking and completely destroying your relationship is always the easier part. But to save it from breaking completely, you need to work really hard to sort all the issues you have between you two and renew the connection once more.
Let’s get started with the tips then.
1# Try to Make the First Move
When both people are mad at each other, none of them wish to make the first move. Because their ego and anger come in between, but this is exactly what you need to get over. You have to make a move for your partner. No matter how bad things have become, you can still fix them if you want to and have that intention.
This is where many people get caught up in the “you go first” game. But if you wish to get over that easily, then you should not wait for your spouse to make the first move. You can surely try and initiate the conversation.
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2# Always Take a Look at Yourself First
Most of the time, when the marriage is not working, couples start to blame each other relentlessly. If you do that, then the problem you have in your hand can never be solved; that is for sure. We know how tempting it is to put all the blame on your partner. Like you can go on how he’s the one spending most of his time at work. But you should never forget that it always takes two to tango.
So instead of focusing so much on all the wrong things your partner has been doing, just accept the fact that you also contribute to the same thing as well. So, why don’t you do something different? Like instead of telling what are the wrong things he/she is doing, why can’t you say the things which will make your relationship better? This way, you can ask the same thing from your partner as well.
3# Instead of Talking, Listen More to Save marriage
There is no doubt that your perspective is surely important, and you have a lot to say as well. But if you just focus all your energy on yourself, then it is not at all a very useful thing. Because in that way, you will never be able to understand what is going wrong with your spouse and where you need to really work.
Hence, ideally, you should stop talking when they are talking and also stop thinking about what you’ll say next in response. Rather just listen, and it is surely helpful as per many experts. This will also help you to understand what exactly the problem with your partner is and where they’re coming from! Once you have a clear understanding of the problem, then you can surely respond to your partner.
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4# Careful with Your Tone to Save marriage
The tone in which you speak is very important. Believe it or not, it can solve half of the problem or even make a big mess out of a little thing. You know, when you are mad with each other, name-calling or talking in a condescending way becomes very common. But believe it or not but all this makes your partner all the more defensive. Plus, they can become completely shut down because your behavior might just shock them beyond imagination.
So, ideally, you should always try to communicate respectfully, no matter how mad you are with your partner. When you do that, it actually sends the message to your partner that despite all the anger, hatred, and difference, you still care enough about them and your relationship is much more important than all that difference.
5# You Should Always Refrain from Using Negative Self-Talk
This is not the kind of habit you should have yourself. Most people tend to get into the habit of hurting their spouse internally but still blatantly pretend that everything’s fine on the outside. All the negative thoughts that you have will indefinitely impact how you feel and the way you behave.
If you wish to stand on the ideal ground, then you have to believe that both of you are just two equals, and you’ll both have a much better chance to create change.
Also Read: How to tackle relationship issues
6# Always Show Kindness No Matter What!
Little things can have a huge impact, and all your little gestures can go a long way in your relationship. These little things can make great changes, especially when you two are very near the breaking point. These little things can literally save the relationship. Hence, it is absolutely worth it to make that little extra effort.
Like when you are fighting, you can just pick up your spouse’s favorite flowers on your way home from work. Believe it or not, it will surely light her face with a big bright smile. Also, never forget to thank her/him when they offer to do the dishes or make the bed. Every time you see show your gratitude and kindness, you will see a change in your partner’s behavior as well, and needless to say, it will be for good.
7# Go for Neutral Feedback to Save marriage
Being on the same page is very important when it comes to resolving a fight. So, when you reach a point where none of you cannot just go forward, then it is always better to try and find a neutral point instead of going toward your family and friends. Most of the time, they will be biased, and they might even complicate the matter.
Try and resist the urge to seek advice from your friends or family, and if you see that your partner is asking a third party to help you navigate, then you should look for someone who will never be biased and rather be objective. For that, you can go for some professional like a marriage counselor.
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8# Always Be Patient to Save marriage
Patience is a virtue, and we all know that. So, you need to understand that if you have a problem that can cause a divorce between you two, then the problem just cannot vanish overnight. You will have to give yourself and others some time to change all the damaging habits or patterns of communication. No matter how much you try, you still have to give it a time; being hasty will never help you much.
The ideal solution can never be a quick fix. You need to commit to each other for at least a full year, and even sometimes two. I know, at a glance, it may seem like forever but think about it, you have promised to be there for each forever, isn’t it?
9# Choose Love Over Everything
When your relationship had just started, love between you was very easy. But continuing that over the course of time needs to be a choice as well, just like it is an emotion. If you really wish to make your relationship successful and overcome all the problems, then it needs to be a choice, and as you all know, such choices are always an act of maturity. This way you can have the best feeling in the world.
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10# Make Sure Your Spouse’s Happiness Is More Important Than Yours
When you will put your husband’s choices first, it will surely nurture trust, gratitude, generosity, and affection, and all this will lead to a better future together.
11# Always Pray for Your Spouse
Your marriage definitely took place and became successful with both promises and prayers. So, even in tough times, you should never let go of that feeling, and you should never fail to pray for your husband/wife. This will not only make your partner renew the trust in you again, but you will also get a new kind of power to follow a path where you need to be the best version of yourself to make the relationship work again.
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12# Have Healthy Relationships around You
Having even a few negative-minded friends in your life can create a problem for you. This can affect your relationship with your partner as well. This is why you need to hook up with a good community of friends where they will actually value your marriage, and you will get widespread support for making it work.
13# Keep the Relationship Ahead of Everything
There are different kinds of distractions all around you, and getting distracted is quite natural. But if you wish to make your relationship really work, then you need to put your relationship ahead of everything and every kind of distraction. You should always say how your spouse is the most important thing in your life.
This way, you are prioritizing your partner over most other things in your life, like work or the family business you have, and even other things like shopping, gossiping or drinking. Your marriage will never be in its ideal state if even one of you is meddling with something else. Believe it or not, but the happiest kids are those whose parents love one another best.
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14# Never Take Each Other Granted
When you are in a relationship, you should never take each other for granted. Like even if she is just passing the food to you, say “thank you”. You can start celebrating some long-lost anniversaries. Like before, why don’t you tell him how much you still love when he cooks a great meal or vice versa.
You can also help him/her clean the dishes and always care about all the little things. This way, you can prove that you can still value the relationship.
15# Start Like How It Was Before
Why don’t you start everything right how it was before? Like why don’t you ask him out like you used to? Then you can tell him how you went with him for the first time and how things have changed over the course of time. Try to rebuild the scenarios of how you used to talk for hours and hold hands at a movie, or how about stealing a kiss from her like you used to smooch here behind the bush.
You can also get a bit silly with each other. Maybe you will not feel like it right away, but you can still do it just to remind yourself how it used to be between you.
Also read: Do you love her, signs
16# Use Counseling to Save marriage
A lot of couples say that they cannot afford it, but believe me, it is a lot less costly than what you think it is. Most of the times, you just have to go for a few sessions, and you will see that the communication is flowing again.
When you discover that willingness to talk, you will get a very positive message to your spouse, and all that will be possible if you get a very good counselor. You will get all the insights you need to save your marriage.
17# Follow the Plan of Your Counseling
Much like you do in Gym, or when you follow any kind of fitness program, you will have to have to do all the homework and follow all the methods told by the experts.
You can both sit down and draw up a plan and help each other to achieve the goals. If both of you are working together and taking responsibility, then anything is possible.
Also Read: Relationship Goals
18# Why Don’t You Change the Pattern?
Are you always dealing with anger issues? Stop coming home angry. If so, then you need to stop the car a block away from your house and take some deep breaths. This way, you can cool down before you enter the house and avoid any kind of fighting. Once this problem is solved, what else do you need?
19# Treat Everyone Gently to Save marriage
If you have observed carefully, then you will see that we are actually gentle with everyone else, but when it comes to our spouse, it is not the same. Like if one of your friends spills a drink on you, you might just excuse him/her, but when it comes to your spouse, you may not be so kind as to forgive him and treat her with kindness.
But this is exactly what you should do with your spouse as well. If the mistake is really trivial, you should definitely give him a chance to say sorry, and you should use kindness as well.
Also read: How to make your wife happy
20# Speak with Kindness While Discussing a Conflict of Interest
When most of the couples argue, they become cruel over discussing even the most trivial things. Who will do the dishes today? This can change the dynamics of your relationship and lead to a different tangent of everything. Most of the time, the problem is caused because of how the issue was brought up. It is the context of the conversation, and the meaning behind it is that causes all the confusion.
Sometimes, without even knowing it, sometimes you will say mean things and bring back old quarrels. All this can be possible if you fight over trivial matters. To avoid all this, you should use kindness. Actually, when you love someone and you are committed to making the relationship work, never fail to use kindness while discussing conflict, and make sure to discuss on fair terms.
21# Stay Aware of Your Own Feelings
Sometimes, you might see that your spouse is absolutely spot on in pointing out everything you do wrong. However, it is only you who should be the expert of how you are feeling. When self-awareness takes work, it will also help you to make more mindful choices. It is perhaps the only way you can get full control over your feelings.
After all, only you should have full control over your feelings. So, always take your time and analyze your thoughts and the feelings you feel, and the actions you do. Never fail to observe your emotions, and also try to label them and embrace them as well. Remember, you can never have wrong feelings but only wrong choices.
22# Look for Positive Things
Instead of always looking for negative things in your partner, why don’t you look for your partner’s positive actions and characteristics on a daily basis?
According to experts, when you are only searching for positive sentiment, it can change a lot of things in your life, including how you respond to negativity. Our brain functions in a way that we find exactly what we are looking for. So, if you are only looking for faults, then you will surely find them. But if you are looking for positive attributes and actions, then you will find them.
23# Take a Break; Know Your Limits
When you are fully aware of your feelings, you should also learn how and when you should take a break during an argument. You can simply ask your spouse as well that you need 10 minutes to calm yourself down and then continue the conversation. But make sure to really come back after 10 minutes. You should not use that particular time to actually “win” the argument, but use that time to take deep breaths, be relaxed, and clear your mind.
24# Mind Your Way from Criticism
If you criticize your spouse, then you will never have a positive result. Who would want to get attacked and that’s why you should just avoid that? When you have been to therapy for a while, most of them agree on how nice it is to feel heard and validated by your spouse. So, always use your words wisely while talking.
25# Have Empathy to Save marriage
If you have empathy inside you, then you can surely get to hear what your spouse is saying and also understand their perspective. This is where the argument can turn into a dialogue. When you validate his/her feelings, it doesn’t mean you agree with them as well.
26# Allow Each Other Space
Giving each other space is very important, and there are no two ways of saying this. When you understand when to take a break, you will also be able to respect your partner’s wishes for their personal space. So, always try and allow them to do their work and then come back and pick up the conversation.
27# Go for Couples Therapy
Thanks to technology, you can get help in person or online. You can find a lot of therapists through secure video sessions or other kinds of virtual venues. I know how difficult it can be to disclose your most intimate needs to an absolute stranger, but that shouldn’t stop you from getting help.
A professional couple therapist can surely help you discover what are the things causing the problem and what can work for your unique union. He/she can also provide you with proper guidance toward a satisfying and successful partnership.
28# Believe in Self-Care
Understanding the importance of self-care is very crucial to maintaining the harmony of your relationship. When you get married, you are bound to share your life with someone, and along with that, you are bound to share your happiness, love, aspirations, and dreams as well.
But how can you do that if you don’t have them? Your happiness is always your responsibility; it’s not something that anyone else can help you with. So, try and find the things that make you happy and bring you peace and do more of that.
What Remains?
So, these are the things you need to know about when you think your marriage is about to end. Some of these might be relatable to you, some might not be, but we wanted to give you an idea as to where to start. If you have any such personal experience, then do feel free to share that with us in the comments section.
Best of luck!
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