Is a Live-in Relationship Better than Marriage? What do you think? Today, the companionship dynamic has been under a drastic change. In the early era, marriage used to be the outcome of heterosexual coalition. But with changing time along with changing mindsets and priorities, a new concept has been into a trend, i.e., live-in relationships. This new-age finds it more fascinating and approachable to live with a companion without tying the knot or being officially committed. And the existence of such practice makes us put our foot into the controversial discussion of whether live-in relationships are better than marriage or vice versa.
Do these two terms dwell on any differences between the couples in practicality? Like quarrel over wet towels over the bed? Does one want to go for a movie and another prefers cricket to make them convincing and give opportunities timely? In the initial days, these things don’t really affect the bond much but when it comes to the long run, these small ones have an impact.
Whatever the type of relationship is, these things fall as a common dish for every couple as you are residing with your partner in both cases. But when you deeply examine both the types, it obviously has the difference between two, just as the literal existence of it. Let’s glance into what distinguish features these two terms tend to have into their practical existence:
Disparities between Marriages and Live-in Relationships
Nowadays, living–in is as across the board in practice as marriages. Rather, it has been observed that in the past few years, the rate of live-in relationship couples is soaring higher than the couples committed with marriage. Commitment for a long-term relationship already makes the couple habitual of each other.
They have all the benefits a couple could have after marriage. However, many couples still choose to turn their live-in into marriage after a long span but these chances rarely occur. Some just don’t even give marriage a thought because they largely find it something mainstream and already are co-habitat without any formalities. Moreover, marriage is an institution that puts obligatory restrictions and gives rise to formal expectations also from the family members.
This is also the reason, live-in is at hype. Among the younger generation, live-in has taken the front seat because you get to know your partner better and will be able to assess the compatibility that they have with their partner. It takes away the legal obligations and societal pressure surrounding marriage. This type of relationship is breezy and even if things go downhill, the partners can just separate without any legal interference because the relationship is not legalized. Marriage is more socially-accepted and formally acknowledged whereas a live-in relationship is an agreement between a couple to live together, as if married and share a home and everything else.
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Stats on live-in relationships
Live-in relationships, in recent times, have considerably grown but yet it is still considered a taboo in many countries and people in it are shunned. Because of the media influence, many younger couples have taken to live-in relationships rather than committing themselves to the more socially accepted form of marriage. Marriage is not only a bond between two people, it is a legal, societal and familial connection and the pressure and intensity of a marriage can be a little suffocating, for the younger generation. So, it is noted that at least 7 out of 10 couples opt for a live-in relationship before marriage to know their partner better and see if marriage and starting a new family is the right thing for them.
In the western countries
This survey by the U.S consisted of 9,834 adults and was conducted online between June 25-July 8, 2019 using the American Trends Panel. The 9, 834 people consisted of 5,579 married adults and 880 adults who are in cohabitation, including different sex and same sex relationships.
According to the survey by Pew Research Center, Americans are finding cohabitation really convenient, for people to get to know each other better and even for couples who don’t wish to get married.
It also surveyed how adults who are married and adults in live-in relationships tackle their situations. In this, it was found that married couples were more trusting and happier with their relationship than those who are cohabiting.
In 2002, the percentage of people who were married was 60%, which significantly decreased to 50% by 2017. Cohabitation rates have risen from 54% in 2002 to 58% in the period of 2013-17, according to the National Survey of Family Growth by the U.S. The viewpoint of the society on live-in are 69% agree that it is acceptable even if the couple do not wish to get married and 16% agree on it, given that the couple will eventually marry.
Young adults are more accepting of the live-in relationship than the older age groups. The views around this subject are also related to religion. 3/4th of the Catholics and white Protestants agree that it’s good for a couple to be together, even if they don’t intend on tying the knot.
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Marriage and live-in Differences
Because of the clearer threshold surrounding marriage, couples are more trusting of their partners and are faithful and solve problems with best interests. They express higher levels of satisfaction, both generally like in the separation of household chores, how the partner balances work and personal life, communication and effort etc and also sexually. Cohabitating relationships also expressed good satisfaction but the percentage of trust was a bit low because of the blurry lines around it. Because of it, many couples feel slightly detached from their partners as compared to the married ones. Love and companionship are the main cause for marriage and cohabitation. Four out of ten people get married, citing financial reasons, so much so that 38% say that moving in with their partners reduced the financial burden by half. Six in ten married adults say that making a formal commitment was major in their decision to get married. 23% of adults said that they preferred live-in relationships because they can test out the intensity of the partner and gauge and assess the reasons why they should take the relationship to the next level. Many cohabitating adults see this as the next level to marriage.
In eastern countries
The eastern countries are still new to the whole idea of live-in relationships and they are still treated as taboo subjects. But, because of media and the Western influence, awareness about various subjects, deepening and open-minded attitudes being inculcated in the younger generation, these countries are becoming more tolerant towards such subjects. 80% of the Indian population are accepting of live-in relationships.
In India and many eastern countries, people shunned the idea of couples being together before marriage, it was condemned to such an extent that it was almost a crime. But people started evolving mentally and outdated attitudes do not have a place in the present society and among the younger generation. 1.4 lakh netizens participated in a relationships poll, conducted by Inshorts, a news app. The laws do not restrict people against staying together before marriage, in India.
Stats on marriage and divorce
Marriages are losing their charm in the modern world. While it is a highly praised institution, people are reluctant to step into it because of the many complications. Stats reveal that developed countries experience more divorce rates than developing countries. This could be because of the attitudes of people. Since 1960, the global divorce rates have increased up to 251.8%.
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Countries with Highest and Lowest Divorce Rates
India has the lowest divorce rates of just 1 percent, that is, out of 1000 marriages, only 13 end up in divorce. The lower rates of divorce are because of the fact, people are forced to be in even unhappy marriages. Societal and familial pressures owe to this, experts say. The same is the case with the Chileans, who have a mere 3%, where divorce is frowned upon.
Luxemburg has the highest divorce rates in the world, with a whooping 87%, though it only has a population of 500,000 and is one of the smallest countries in Europe. Spain, France, Russia follow closely behind. In the US, as of 2019, marriage and divorce rates are decreasing.
Recent studies are showing that people are in no hurry to get married and stay in marriages longer, trying to solve their differences for the sake of their relationship or for the kids. The United States has the 6th highest divorce rate in the world. The marriage rate was 6.1 percent per 1000 population and the divorce rate was 2.7 percent per 1000 population.
What does living together do to a relationship?
This method is not for everybody and I am not here to convince anyone of it. A relationship is when two individuals decide to be together and as it progresses, the deeper the relationship becomes and according to popular research, over 56 percent of people in relationships moved in together, after a year or two of dating.
Getting together and living under the same roof can seem like a scary task (it is one) but this can help both the partners know how it feels to be co-existing and this can help assess if the relationship will go on for a long time.
Patrick Ishizuka’s survey
According to Patrick Ishizuka, an assistant sociology professor at Washington University in St. Louis, who collected data from thousands of couples between the years 1996-2013 to understand how cohabitations and relationships work. More than half of the studied couples experienced some kind of transition or change in their relationship; good and bad. 1,121 couples broke off their relationship while 1,104 went on to put a ring on it. However, the odds of couples moving to marriage after a live-in relationship has slimmed to 28 percent.
Of course, there isn’t that big a difference between cohabiting and marriage. But still, Ishizuka says, people in cohabitation felt very unstable in the relationship.
This could be because of the blurry lines surrounding it, which impede the deep trust and the no-matter-what attitude that marriage inspires. Marriage also depends on the income of the partners.
“That wealth independently predicts marriage, with couples that own a home and receive interests from financial assets being more likely to marry.” Says Ishizuka’s report.
If you make more money and your partner does the same, then there are higher chances of getting married because one of the major obstacles and problems in cohabitation starts with finance, so if that variable is taken out of the equation, then the chances rise. So, couples who aren’t that well off, break off the relationship, in most cases.
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Advantages of Live-in Relatinship
- The person has the opportunity of testing a relationship for the long run. Marriage is a serious institution and taking all the time you need is very important, as it will not only affect you and your partner but also your kids, immediate family. It is like a test-run for couples who can get to know the habits of their partners and they can learn how to co-exist, peacefully with each other.
- Living together before marriage actually decreases divorce rates because partners are already aware of their partner’s quirks, whims, pet peeves and have learnt to accept them or asked their partner to change themselves. As they are able to understand each other better, chances of separation later on are lesser.
- Your relationship can be drastically improved in cases of live-in relationships because you get to have a deeper understanding of your partner and his/her/their qualities and behavioral traits. Emotional and physical intimacy is deepened. Once you get to know who your partner is, all about their mood swings, peeves, food preferences, moving into a marriage might not seem like a monumental thing.
- If you have lived with roommates, you are sure to know that, having someone to be with will elevate your mood and also, having someone in your house can make the house feel personal and cozy and given that it is your significant other, it will feel a whole lot cozier.
- These types of relationships can cut down on financial costs. Instead of being in two places, a serious couple can live together and share the rent, house maintenance fees, groceries etc. and this will also build a kind of solidarity between you and your partner.
- Marriage is not a looming, dreadful mountain. After you and your partner have been in a live-in relationship, the prospect of marriage is rather sweet than frightening. Given that you know a lot about each other and are able to co-exist, at least, a little bit peacefully then marriage is not a bad thing. You are sure of your partner and vice versa.
Disadvantages of Live-in Relatinship
- Lack of commitment and trust can be a major contributing factor as to why cohabitors separate. One may be higher up in the serious stages of the relationship while the other can still be in the lower rung. Leaving a cohabiting relationship is as easy as just walking out the door and this can make partners jittery and unsettled. Even a slight disagreement will tempt the cohabitors to throw in the towel.
- Opposing viewpoints can put a dent in the relationship and even cause a rift. For example, one partner may want to get married and has high dreams for it while the other isn’t too excited about the idea. This can decrease the quality of a relationship.
- People still aren’t very accepting about live-in relationships and such. While it is agreed that your romantic relationship is your business, many countries in the world still keep such subjects as a taboo. Some even turn down houses for unmarried couples. This can cause a toll, for you and your partner because want it or not, we are all part of a larger society.
- Living with a person can teach you a lot of things. You get to know their dark side and this can come as a surprise to a partner because in your eyes, they can never do anything wrong. Sharing the same space can bring out qualities unknown and this can prove to be challenging.
Advantages of Marriage over Live-in Relatinship
- Being married has many financial benefits as you can save more. According to the Journal of Sociology, “married respondents experience per person net worth increases of 77 percent over single respondents.”
- A study at the University of Chicago has stated that people who are in long-term relationships, more specifically, married people have lower stress levels because of the stability and support that a marriage provides.
- People with spouses engage in less risky activities because they are constantly reminded of the fact that there is someone waiting for them. Dr. Christopher Fagundes says, “people who live together(long-term) act more cautiously than people who live alone.”
- Married women have stated that they could sleep better in happy marriages and married people can also live longer. Living with a loved one has reduced the mortality rate by 80 percent for men and 59 percent for women, study states as conducted by the researchers from Michigan State university and the University of Cincinnati. The lead researcher on the study was Hui Liu and she said that, “Many assume marriage and cohabitation are wholly the same , but our research showed that cohabitation, generally, led to a shorter lifespan.”
- The greatest benefit and the reason why most people get married is to have a sense of love and companionship.
Disadvantages of Marriage over Live-in Relatinship
- The overall freedom that you had before marriage will be compromised and this can also be quite a serious problem when the partner tries to be controlling.
- There are chances of getting stuck in an unhappy marriage. Divorce is still frowned upon in many spheres and for divorce, there are many factors to consider. Some lose affection for their partner over time and they just stay together for convenience.
- Marriage can be difficult, in case of divorce. In many cases, only one party gets custody of the kids and this can lead to several mental issues for both the children and the parents.
- If you get divorced, you will suffer financial risks and you will have to pay large amounts of money in alimony.
Live in relationship or marriage, both of them are different subjects and each have their own pros and cons. The people in the relationship are the ones who can decide what is the best for them.
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