A lot of confusion between love or arranged marriage! Which one to choose? Marriage is a commitment of staying together forever till the last breath. In earlier days, our ancestors were more serious about marriages. We have seen our forefathers committed to their wives and maintaining it for lifelong. In current times, the meaning of marriage is the same, but the situation has been a little bit. This Generation is literate, self-dependent, confident, and self decision-maker.
Similarly, about marriage, this Generation is ready to choose their partner with whom they will spend their whole life. But some marriages in current days are failing due to a lack of understanding between the partners. Moreover, as the situation is going a little down, it has confused the new Generation about which marriage they should prefer. People are either getting their partner through love or arranged marriage. Now, the confusion is higher for preferring the marriage type. In this article, we will understand the motives of both marriages.
The purpose of this article is to discuss both arranged and love marriage. We will furthermore discuss how this confusion can be solved. Let’s get into this article with strong concepts.
What is Love or Arranged marriage? Difference
We consider it a love marriage when one person has married the other with whom they fell in love. The love marriage has a consideration from the partner’s acceptance. The marriage is considered to be arranged when the family has brought the persons to meet and get married.
Difference between love and arranged marriage
Marriage is a pure bond between the partners. A good life partner is necessary for every person as the future depends on them. We understand that everything has its pros and cons. There is nothing in this world that can be considered perfect. We select the things and make them perfect. So, we will first understand the advantages and disadvantages of a love marriage. Going through phase-wise, we will also list the advantages and disadvantages of arranged marriage. The comparison will then help us to get to the conclusion. Firstly let’s start with the advantages of a love marriage.
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Advantages of love marriage
- Win-win situation- The couples in relation, when finally getting married, feel like a win-win situation. Some couples fight hard with their family members and even go against them. Certainly, when the parents accept it or finally get married, there is no other thing that can make them as happy as this situation is.
- Own choice- The very important part in the love marriage is a person gets to choose the partner of their own choice. This matters for a common person because marrying a stranger and marrying a person you know has huge differences. In a love marriage, a person chooses their partner and has full confidence in them.
- Compatibility is more- When we know the other person well, the chance of being compatible increases. We understand the other person from deep, which helps to gain confidence relating to marriage. Hardly in love marriages, people will sound confused about their partner; rather, most couples get to know each other and find comfort from all the ways.
- Understanding factor- We have observed clearly that some partners who have done love marriage have more understanding. They understand all the behavior of each other, which makes a relationship quite easier for both of them. It cannot be committed that all love marriages have great understanding. We can find this mutual understanding in the majority of couples.
- Own satisfaction- Most important aspect of love marriage is that it provides a kind of self-satisfaction in partners. They accept it from their heart and claim none even if they go wrong. So, the self-satisfaction part can be considered a big advantage of love marriages.
- Secular advantage- In a country like India, caste and religion have importance much more than anything. But the happening of love marriages every day has been able to at least decline this taboo. Though the importance of caste and religion is at a higher level, it has hardly been able to restrict the happenings of love marriages.
- Happiness in partners- We all live and want to stay happy forever. Similarly, getting married to the love partners is the highest happiness providing an event for the couples. The partners’ mental state remains quite happy, and both of them start enjoying their life to the fullest without others’ concern.
- Strong bond- The compatibility and the mutual understanding between the partners helps contribute to a strong bond. A strong bond requires communication, adjustments, understanding, love, and support. Most love marriages have been observed to consist of strong bonds. This helps for mental and physical strength when the chaos in relation is less.
- Family interruptions are less- As the love marriage has hardly family consent, the interruptions get decreased. Moreover, some families feel happy about their child’s decision, and they don’t want to interrupt them with any actions.
- Sense of Maturity- Marriage is a big decision, and most probably, if it is a love marriage, it requires lots of self guts to step further. So, when a person decides to marry a person they love, it increases maturity because they go through many self-decision sessions.
- Frankness is common in love marriages where partners share all their small and big things. There remains no formality that they have to follow. This helps them to be supportive in every situation and confident.
The above-listed points are the main advantages of love marriage. Love and relation are compatible functions; thus, it gives a lot of advantages as we know that everything has its benefits and non-benefits. We have discussed the advantages of a love marriage. Furthermore, we will briefly discuss the disadvantages of love marriage.
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Disadvantages of love marriage
- No parental support- Parental support is an important aspect for a growing person. The disadvantage that a love marriage faces is there is hardly or no parental support. This genuinely decreases the person’s confidence for some time, and they feel helpless in taking up big decisions.
- No future claims- The love marriage happens after the two people accept a relationship. Since it’s a love marriage, this ownership goes to the partners. If any uncertainty occurs, the partners can never claim this to their parents in the future. They will be responsible single and face many issues.
- Loss of Respect- This is generally common that when we start to know another person fully, we hardly feel shame or respect. In the love marriage case, partners know each other very well, which somehow decreases the partner’s respect.
- Risk- We know clearly that even after marrying the person of your own choice does not prove that the relationship will go till the end. Sometimes, in the middle of the relationship, any conflict may arise and lead to separation. This situation gets worse because hardly any person will be supporting them. Therefore, the risk in the love marriage for divorce and separation is more.
- Personal loss- It is not easy to marry a person you have loved for a long time. When they get into a relationship, some couples start spending most of the time together, which sometimes impacts their career. Mostly the couples who come from joint families go through several phases. Sometimes this increases their stress. So, loss of mental peace declines when couples start dating.
- Traditional factor- When one religion gets married to another, they face some issues gradually. For example, if a person is of another religion, it takes time to get used to or adjust to the new tradition. Gradually this may get used, and a person might feel comfortable, but initially, it may create various problems to understand.
- Financially bound- A big decision by couples leads them to take up all the responsibilities, including financial position. If the parent does not accept the marriage, couples have to earn a living. This might be difficult if they were dependent on the elders earlier. O, the financing problems sometimes become a disadvantage factor in love marriage.
- Raising children- We are better than grandparents are the base of a child’s life. They teach many things that a child will hardly learn in his or her whole life. So, grandparents are the base. In a love marriage, some families accept the relationship, and the couples could not give them that love after having children. So, children do not get the family love required in a love marriage.
- Later regret- most of the marriages break up because there was only love and love at first. When couples get into real life after getting married, they start seeing the reality and then regret it. Sometimes merely making decisions makes a person regret for the rest of his life.
The above mentioned are the disadvantages of love marriage. We have completed the concept related to love marriage. Moving ahead, we will now discuss the advantages and disadvantages of arranged marriage.
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Advantages of Arranged Marriage
This type of marriage is very common, and mostly the families are involved in patching up the relationship. This marriage involves background checking, sometimes “kundali” checking, and many more. Pure customs are followed in an arranged marriage. But, as we have already discussed, there is nothing perfect, so we will now discuss the main facts related to an arranged marriage.
- Families and society’s acceptance- A typical family will always say that they can make society. They do not want to defoliate their image, and arranged marriage has always gained acceptance from all sides. So, when an arranged marriage takes place, many people take part and rejoice in the celebration.
- Happy family- In an arranged the very happy one will be seeing his family members. As this marriage gains the majority of the family, there remain no issues and puts a smile on the family member’s faces.
- Lesser risk for couples- This marriage hardly breaks up because family members always stand by the side to sort out all the issues. They do not let the couples take the matter out and take the responsibility to minimize the problems.
- Financial support- Parents support their children financially all the time so that they do not face any issues. They try to remain active in any kind of situation. In most arranged marriages, the hands of the parents are always there for their children.
- Good family relations- The relative’s relations in an arranged marriage have always been strong. They visit or get together and enjoy the moment. So, the family relations can be seen quite good and progressed all the time.
- Dating remains successful- In an arranged marriage, when a person starts to meet the one family has fixed, they remain confident of the result. They know earlier that the result is getting married, so they mold themselves up to this situation.
- Traditional comfort ability- A person has to adjust less about cultural performance or traditions. They remain quite familiar with it from earlier, which helps them get comfortable in each other’s family easily.
- Family’s supportive advice- In an arranged marriage, a family is always ready to support the couple in the best way. They keep on sharing good advice with the new ones to follow it for their betterment.
- There is always a “we” community- As the arrangement involves everyone’s consent, the togetherness increases. It has been seen that most arranged marriages have kept a family bound as they always share a “we” bond. The sense of unity can always be seen in the family, which improves the vibes to be fully positive.
- Co-operation is present- The co-operation part is most of the time available in the love marriage. The family co-operates with the new one and always supports them to stay comfortable in the family. The sharing of thoughts and works makes life more comfortable for a new one who recently joined the family
The above part has been discussed to explain the related advantages of arranged marriage. Now we will move on to the disadvantages that are settled with arranged marriages.
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Disadvantages of Arranged marriage
- Expectations are unexpectedly higher- In an arranged marriage, the very common taboo has been heard as “Perfect.” Our Generation knows perfectly that no one in this world is perfect. But parents, as usual, go for the perfect match. In an arranged marriage, the consents of family persons are more, and their expectation goes higher. There should be no flaws in a woman or man. A girl has to be beautiful, tall, and studious but must also manage the home chores. Similarly, a man must be well settled, rich, smart, tall, and others. So, the expectations in pre-arranged marriages are too high.
- Lack of trust between partners- The meeting of partners is important because they are going to stay together at the end. But the few meetings of potential couples do not create that mutual bond and trust. Even after marriage, the couples get intimate but hardly experience that sense of trust which is immensely important. So, understanding from both sides is lacking, and hence trust issues stay for a longer time.
- Men remain more controlling- The very strange part in the arranged marriage is the man becomes powerful as he gets full support from all the natives. The family tries to show him that you are the main member and can do whatever you want. He then gets that leadership and sees his woman as just a normal lady staying at home and keeping his family happy. He tries to control the relationship as per his thoughts, making a woman uncomfortable and painful.
- Lack of decision-making of a person- The family collaborates, meets, makes a decision, arranges a few meetings, and then gives their children to a stranger for their whole life. This is terrible for a person that he or she has to become a good person, hiding all the things and accepting the front one. The taboo of showing “good and perfect” is a trend in an arranged marriage, and it takes away most of the person’s freedom, liberty, and sometimes happiness.
- The expectation of “pure “and “virgin” is higher- Imagine the people who are still in the older era and want proof of a women’s bleeding after sex. This gives them a surety that their wife or daughter-in-law is a virgin. Unfortunately, if their expectations do not meet, they force their son to take all the abusive actions and keep the woman cursing for all her life. Only a good thing that comes is an educated and bold woman will take action against this and make her life good as she wants. But this becomes hard for a woman who fears and respects their family image and finds it hard to go against them.
- Sometimes it just maintains the parent’s image and love- Most of the time, the girls are forced to tie the knot because there is family pressure. To save the parents from society’s disruption, they agree to the decisions and marry a stranger. However, the partners come to know that there is no love between them. It is just that they have married and maintain the relationship for formality, but the most important “love” does not exist. What can be worse than getting married and finding no love?
- Heavy dowry system gets appreciated- I remember when I was very small and went to an engagement ceremony. In that ceremony, most of the people took part, and the father of a girl kept around 12 lakhs in the hands of the boy’s father. Later, when this marriage was done, we all realized that it was a loan from a bank, and the father was paying off all his earnings. Now we can conclude here that what was good in that dowry? Why does society believe in dowry? In India, the dowry system is quite common in Hindu culture. Though it has declined to some extent in this century, the statement will always come.
- Families pressure for the children- From day one of the arranged marriage, the in-laws expect their grandchildren. They hardly bother about their children’s space and happiness. This is a disadvantage for new couples because they know each other but are forced to have children as soon as possible. If the couples plan this for later, the families’ pressure can be seen becoming worse than ever.
- A woman’s responsibility increases in early life- It is hard for someone cares for the newlywed. The in-laws see the new one as responsible and put off almost all the responsibility to the woman. This increases the stress in the newlywed because she gets the idea that there is a lot of expectation from her, and she will have to meet up the same. Sometimes this can make a woman weaker as she always has to keep all her family members, including her children.
- Life gets fully dedicated to pleasing others- Most arranged marriages keep on fulfilling the expectation of their family members. This means that the situation of pleasing others remains for life long and this hardly gives the personal space to the couples. For this reason, too, the couple’s relationship just becomes a formality that has to be maintained to show society that they are good couples.
We have listed the maximum number of disadvantages settled with arranged marriages. Now we will come to the conclusion part and try to minimize the confusion that is related to both arranged and love marriages.
Conclusions
Marriages are basically of two types, love and arrange. Both the marriages either get successful or break off. Now, to conclude, we will have to understand that this is not an agreement. If we are selecting a partner, he or she has to match at least some of our expectations. The most important aspect related to marriage is “understanding the partner.” In this 2nd century, everything was acceptable and even if you are going to arrange marriage, just make sure that you both get that understanding. Take some time, and then decide. Both arranged, and love marriages are sometimes successful and unsuccessful. It depends on our decision, thinking, conception, and perception. Family is the second part, and they should support your decisions. So, do not confuse yourself; understanding is important, no matter how much time it takes. Take your own time precisely, do not hurry, and get to know that person. This understanding will help make decisions that will hardly contribute to the break-up. So, remove this confusion and go for a self-decision process; if possible, get some opinions from family members, but the choice should be of your own and others.
Refer to our a few articles.
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