Let’s explore Infatuation vs Love! How to Differentiate and to Turn One into the Other?
When we talk about relationships, two words always come to our minds. One is love, and another one is infatuation. Now, many people believe that infatuation is the precursor of love. But no matter how you define it, there is one particular problem which will be there;
How to Differentiate between Love vs Infatuation?
Well, this is what the post is all about. Here, we will try and understand the definition of infatuation in the backdrop of love and how to differentiate between the two.
But Why Is It Necessary?
As per most people, infatuation is something that is not mature enough to be called love. This is why many people want to turn infatuation into love. But how can we do that? Is it even possible?
Now, I know things are getting a bit complicated around here. So, let’s just start at the very beginning. Let’s try and understand the definition of infatuation.
What Do You Mean By Infatuation?
Probably love is the most difficult thing to express in this world. But infatuation is quite difficult to explain as well. But let’s just try and understand it from the perspective of love. Infatuation can be characterized as a very strong temptation or attraction towards someone. But it doesn’t end there only. It can also give you a kind of fascination and fixation toward that person at all. But one of the most staple characteristics of infatuation is that most of the time, this obsession happens without letting the other person know about it at all. According to some people, this feeling can be quite intense, but mostly it will be based on the physical aspects of the person. On top of that, the person’s imagination and fantasy will also play a vital part in the whole equation.
Some people also define it as a feeling of strong attraction to someone they don’t know very well or don’t know at all. This is where it is very much different from love. Most people who are infatuated with someone tend to reject all kinds of information and indications that would go against or break their fantasy. No matter how many red flags will be there in front of them, they would hardly pay attention to the glaring signs of incompatibility. This is why many people call it the immature state of love.
When you are infatuating about someone, you will tend to think about that person all the time. Another aspect is that this dependency and attraction forms very quickly over time, compared to love or any real romantic relationship. If you are infatuating about someone, then you would feel that he/she is the “one” even when you have just met the person.
So, how can you identify someone who is infatuating over someone? Or, how can you identify yourself if you are infatuating someone?
Of course, there are some signs, and you need to identify these signs to understand if you are infatuating someone or not.
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What are Those Signs that Indicate You are Infatuating Someone?
- The first sign is pretty obvious; you will constantly be thinking about the person you are obsessed with. This is the reason why we say that “he is obsessed about her, instead of he is in love with her.”
- Instead of having any real or meaningful connection, you would immediately feel that she is the one for you. This is another great difference from love. Because when you love someone, you would have some meaningful connection before committing.
- When you are infatuating over someone, you can never see any kind of flaw in that person. He/she will appear absolutely perfect to you. This ideal partner thing can cost you a lot of grief in the future. You may not realize it, but you will actually be physically attracted to this person. Most of the time, when you are in infatuation, you actually get distracted, and you don’t even wish to explore the many other aspects of this person.
- If you ask yourself what you know about this person, you will hardly be able to say anything substantial other than what you have acquired from their behavior in a group setting.
- Sometimes when you are obsessed and infatuated, you tend to stalk these people and try to get some information out about them from an acquaintance you might find around you.
- This tendency to stalk them can go virtual as well, and you might go and gather some information available on social media. Instead of doing these, you won’t try and muster up the courage to go for an actual conversation with the person.
- Your fantasy about them will know no bounds, yet you will never try and know them on a personal level.
- It will be very convenient for you to feel disappointed because you have made a certain standard of your own about them. Whenever they fail to meet these expectations, you will feel utterly disappointed.
- Even when you will see a thousand early signs of incompatibility, you will reject all of them and still, by hook or by crook, establish your fantasy.
- Your constant goal will be to paint a pretty picture of yourself before him/her to make an impression. Indirectly, you always want to show yourself in a positive light.
- You will be confined within your own world where you feel very happy for supposedly “having” this person or supposedly being “chosen” by this person. However, in reality, nothing is the case.
- The depth of your feelings will have no bounds as if only you are the most eligible choice he/she can ever make. Although you may not know this person at all, yet you might develop possessiveness for them.
- Maybe not in reality, but for you, everything moves super quickly for you. This is why you will always be very eager to hit the relationship milestones very quickly. At the same time, the other person is absolutely clueless about it.
This kind of one-sided obsession is often associated with infatuation.
Let’s Compare; Love and Infatuation
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Difference Between Love and Infatuation
Now, how is infatuation different from love? Well, there are multiple sides to consider in this case. Let’s look at a few of them below:
Do you always wish to be next to one particular person? Then you are infatuated!
In such a scenario, the person can’t help but giggle about the person he/she is infatuated with. He/she will be most interested in the amazing sex life being experienced. Frankly, it is not a sin, but it is not what we call love either. Infatuation will always be rooted in passion, excitement, and lust, and those are the things that make it so intoxicating. Most of the time, you would wish to be close to that person because the physicality of the relationship appeals to you the most. However, if you are in a crisis and you need someone you can really count on, you cannot just give them a call. Most of the time, you won’t even want to burden them with a problem because you don’t count on them. The love is not there.
Do you Feel Secure with Them? Then it is love!
Love will always have this healthy dose of patience and kindness. This is why when you love someone, you support that person no matter what. This is the kind of feeling that allows you to talk freely and openly about your feelings with the person and share even your wildest dreams or your darkest fears. The presence you feel with them always fulfills you in a way, and during that time, you hardly care about work or even someone else. You won’t feel like touching your phone as you like the comfort and space you have with your partner. Most of the people who are truly in love believe that all their problems, all their worries will be gone if the person they love comes around. This is one of the best signs of being in love.
Do You Often Overthink About The Relationship And Its Consequence?
Love is ideally mutual, but infatuation is never that; it will always be one-sided. This is why when you are infatuated; you spend a lot of time thinking about whether the relationship is going towards the right path or not. You will always be troubled mentally to know if they are as committed to you as you are to them. It is this kind of overthinking that causes all kinds of problem and even compel you to do impulsive things like calling them in the middle of the night or even following them wherever they are going. Insecurity will become a part of your personality, and you will be constantly bothered with the question of whether or not the person you love is going to leave. If you are always bothered about the uncertainty of your relationship, then it is surely not loved and not even close to love.
Can You Count On Them During Crisis? Then It is Love
Suppose you have some kind of emergency in the middle of the night, or you desperately need someone to help you at the hospital. Do you feel like calling the person you infatuate? If you do feel like calling the person in question, then you are in love with the person. Love is not about attraction and physicality, and it is about supporting and standing up for your partner when needed. If the person will be there ASAP and support you with comforting gestures, then it’s definitely love. But on the other hand, if you feel that the crisis will be something frightening to the person you are calling, then it is more likely to be infatuation. The main difference between love and infatuation is that love will surely have a lot of depth to it, and you will not be scared to share your problems with your partner. Love will be there when nothing else will be.
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Would You Describe Your Relationship As Predominantly physical? Then it’s infatuation.
How do you spend time with the person in question here? This is a very important question to reflect upon. Would you describe it as predominantly physical? If that is the case, then you cannot call it love. It is more of a relationship where you hook up with each other and spend some time. A relationship that is based purely on physical needs cannot be called love. Because in that case, you will not be able to talk about other things after getting physical, or any discussion will only revolve around being physical. Try to think about the dates and get-togethers you do with your friends, what is the most memorable thing that happened apart from sex.
We are not saying that sex is not needed. Rather sex is very much important in any romantic relationship. However, when it comes to love, it should go beyond just sex. You don’t have to focus on it more than anything else. You can treat it as a bonus delight or a great and exciting way to show your love to your partner. But the relationship should not revolve around it.
Can You Call Your Relationship A Combination Of Sex And Friendship?
If you can call your relationship a combination of sex and friendship, then we can say that there is love. At times, in life, it happens that we meet someone we really like, and we feel that a great friendship can be born out of it; however, it falls really short of love. On the other hand, we meet someone super attractive, and we get obsessed about everything regarding that person; however, with time, we realize that there is no emotional depth to it. Basically, in both these cases, you cannot really enjoy a healthy relationship. To have a happy and fulfilling romantic relationship, you need to have a combination of both. Otherwise, you will not have romantic love.
Can You Call Infatuation A Bad Thing?
Now, based on the discussion so far, you must be thinking that we are deeming infatuation as a really bad thing. However, that’s not the case at all. It doesn’t need to be a negative thing. In fact, many experts believe infatuation to be a very natural thing. You just need to be aware of the person in question, and you need to know that person more intimately to have that feeling of real love and not just obsession.
Anything extreme is always harmful, and the same can be said about infatuations as well. The moment someone is infatuated, the person will primarily be very much attracted to the appearance of the person, and they would feel a strong sexual urge towards that person. When you have a romantic relationship, it is necessary and required to feel the sexual/physical attraction toward your partner. But when it comes to infatuation, the whole thing revolves around it, and you become obsessed with various unrealistic fantasies, expectations, and sometimes absurd demands. This is when infatuation can be really negative for your life and for the life of that person in question.
So with this thing in mind,
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How Can You Turn Someone’s Infatuation Towards Love?
There is more than one angle to this story, and one has to address every single one of them:
- The first and foremost important step in tackling this is definitely communication. If you have the right kind of communication in place, then surely things can work out well. After all, the reason behind the infatuation is nothing but lack of communication. You need to sit with the person and then talk freely about the things you have to say to him. This will surely create some sense in him and restrain him from having unreal fantasies.
- The second important step can be to introduce the mature side of love. Sometimes the other partner also reciprocates exactly the way the other one wants. This only encourages infatuation even more. If you really wish to develop a romantic relationship, then you need to put your foot down and teach them what it means to be in real love. Most of the people who are somehow infatuated lack this depth of understanding.
- You should stop indulging in sexual exchanges and start talking about real things. It can be anything but to try to focus on some life-altering decisions that you wish to take before committing to your partner. If your partner is still dreaming and fantasizing, then this can be a reality check for them. In most cases, this reality check is missing, and this leads your partner to actually imagine more and go to new extremes.
In extreme scenarios, infatuation can turn ugly, and in that case, you need to take control of the scenario by taking the help of an expert counselor.
- The expert can help you take charge of the situation and stop any kind of drastic action from the other end. However, at the end of the day, it also depends on the person and his/her mental constitution.
- Your infatuation can turn into love if you can come to terms with what love comes with and accept the disappointments. Most people who are infatuating someone are never willing to accept anything outside their fantasy. This is where the biggest problem comes into the picture. The moment you can look past the disappointment and see the greater good, your infatuation will take slow but steady steps towards love. Putting your ego in the back seat is the key to any successful relationship. Once you can do that, you can practically do the rest on your own.
- Stop obsessing about someone and instead start caring. This should be the key mantra for anyone who is infatuating someone. The moment you start caring about someone, you won’t feel the need to stalk that person on Facebook or keep a tab on her every activity. A healthy possessiveness is okay, but it should never turn into insecurity. Someone who infatuates will always be insecure with his her partner. This is where things go downhill. But if you can solve this problem, then love will be back in your life along with care and affection.
- Stop fantasizing so much about the person. You need to accept the person as he/she is. This acceptance is a big step for anyone who is infatuating someone. They don’t wish to accept the person from any less than what they assume. But in a real love relationship, you cannot just assume anything; you need to go by the facts and the real story. The moment you have this kind of humility is the moment you take your first step towards being in real love.
- Take some responsibility. It is high time that you take responsibility in your relationship and give your fantasies a break. After all, in a real romantic relationship, you need to take a stand for your partner whenever needed. Most people who are only into infatuation rarely have what it takes to take a stand for the relationship. For these people, the only way is to experience the harsh side of love. The harsh side of love can teach the basic principles of being in a relationship so that this day-dreaming mentality can be curbed a bit.
- Lastly, I must say that not every person who is infatuating can turn towards real love. If you have found someone who at least understands the difference between love and infatuation, you may still prove to be a worthy partner. But if not, then you cannot just do anything. Their infatuation will not go away till the time the relationship gets over. It may sound a bit harsh on them, but that indeed is the truth. And as we all know, truth is always bitter.
So, this was our take on love and infatuation and the intermediate relation they have. If you have any such personal experience about dealing with infatuation, then feel free to mention them in the comments section.
Best of luck!
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