Love is blind!
Yes, we all know that. And this is precisely why most of the time, we make mistakes in choosing the one we love. Some guy or girl may come across as really charming, but the real facts dawn upon you after you are in the relationship.
One of the most common problems, women share is that they are dating an insecure man!
Well, it is true that insecurity is a human condition, and there are many insecure men out there. So, what can be done about it?
The first practical step to take in this is to identify if you are dating an insecure man or not. It may sound odd, but the fact is a lot of women are completely unaware of the insecurities their partners have, and yet they have a healthy relationship.
How to Identify the Signs of an Insecure Man?
Now, the goal of this post is to tell you how to identify the signs of an insecure man in your partner but not forcefully so. If you feel that your relationship is not healthy enough and you cannot put your finger on as to what’s the reason, this post can be of help to you.
Plus, if you think that a little bit of help in understanding the situation can save your date life, I will give you some great tips on dating a man with insecurities. After all, life is about giving people second chances!
Just because something or someone is not right, you cannot just discard them and move on without thinking twice!
But wait, here are a few things to keep in mind before that:
- A sign of insecurity may not always be apparent, or you cannot just simply walk up to him and ask him some random question. Truth be told, it may only worsen the situation.
- The best way to understand the signs is by reflecting on your past experiences and observing his mannerisms and reactions very minutely.
- Our chats and the words we choose can reveal a lot about ourselves. Even the most random decisions of life are never random, but it has root in our psyche and subconscious. Careful observations of these things can help you a lot.
- Some men prefer to bottle up their feelings about feeling insecure. The insecurity can be about the relationship, their lives, or something else. Allowing them that safe space to speak their mind out can be very helpful for you both. It will actually make the job easier for you to identify the signs.
- Communication is the key to many things. You will realize that you can reach the core of the problem where the insecurity originated from by communication.
Also Read: Why Do Men Pull Away & Lose Interest?
Signs which Can Deem a Man as Insecure to Date
A Façade or a Bluff
Yes, you are reading right. But please don’t confuse it with cheating. No, they are not cheating you but themselves, and they do it effortlessly to appear as someone they are not.
Most of the strong-willed men would search their souls and understand who they really were. It may not be very easy all the time, but they will not pretend as someone else. On the other hand, insecure men believe that their true self is not good enough, and that’s why they resort to a façade, and they can effortlessly bluff in front of you.
This is where you need to trust your instincts and carefully observe the behavior they put before you. Their everyday mannerism, especially in the face of a crisis, can reveal a lot about themselves hiding under that façade.
Falling in Love a Bit Too Easily
Insecure men can very quickly say, “I love you”. Their lack of self-awareness often makes them vulnerable, and even the slightest match or good chemistry makes them believe you are the one!
This attitude can be very easily observed in the first few dates, and if they insist on loving you a lot within a couple of days, then my dear, you have an insecure man in front of you. Now, one must argue that there is nothing wrong with feeling love for someone too soon. I absolutely support this argument. But most of the time, it is seen that people falling in love very quickly often get disappointed and fall out of love very easily as well. If you are someone who prefers stability over anything else, then an insecure man can never be your cup of tea.
Plus, an insecure man will be desperate to be in a relationship because he cannot handle his loneliness like others. Being in a relationship is like having the push button for him where he can push all the problems out of the window when he is with you. Thus, this kind of man often turns out to be a bit more clingy than bearable, and they might not believe in giving you a personal space out of the relationship.
In worst-case scenarios, he might even project his own insecurities onto you and use you as a safe place to gain some sympathy. If your boyfriend often whines and complains about the harshness of his life, then you can treat this as the early sign of becoming completely insecure.
Also Read: How to tell love from a crush
Mind Games and Complexities
An insecure person can be pretty unpredictable, and you may not see what you are going to see next. As mentioned earlier, they never like to face themselves and confront the traumas they have.
To avoid all these, they can sometimes be very dominant in the relationship as they constantly feel the need to preserve themselves. In this attempt, they can be hostile and blame every other fault in the world on you. This toxic phrase is very common with insecure men.
Playing the victim, manipulating the situation and mind games are very common outcomes of dangerous insecurity in a man. If your partner is showing these signs constantly, you cannot feel any love in this relationship.
If the situation is going out of your hand, you must take a different approach and, if necessary, even consult a therapist to plan your next move.
Never Feeling Sure
It is almost impossible to make an insecure man feel sure about himself. This is one of their characteristic problems. Their self-esteem is always down, and they seek validation from the world.
An insecure man will never take a different path or approach in life or even dare to take a stand. It is actually deep-rooted to their sense of abandonment. Standing alone in the crowd is something they cannot imagine doing.
Instead, they will always frown and fuss about what others might think of him or his actions. It may affect your relationship as well because they might take a back step before taking any bold decision.
Constant Feeling of Abandonment
To say it plainly, an insecure man always feels that he is abandoned in this world. With this sense deeply rooted in his psyche, he will constantly search for a partner who would not leave them or forsake them no matter what.
So, if your boyfriend is asking you to say you love him or how you cannot live without him, you can consider them the early signs of complete paranoia. If by chance, they feel that even the slightest chance is there that you might leave him, they can berserk and even do something absolutely drastic.
In this case, you should try and communicate freely with your partner and discover any incident in the past that correlates to this behavior.
Extreme Reactions for Your Ex
By extreme reactions, I don’t always mean that they might break things or shout at you at the top of their lungs. But their attitude can reveal a lot of things when you mention something about your ex.
If you see extreme jealousy or self-doubt, it is a classic example of an insecure man. Silent treatment, cold war not answering calls, and refusing food can be some very common outbursts.
The problem here is that your history is something very hard for them to grasp. The fact that you are no longer with anyone else but him is something they can see but can’t believe the moment you mention your ex.
His self-doubt will fuel the argument till it saturates you both
Self-Validation
For an insecure man, even the best of compliments are not enough. No matter how much you congratulate them, their self-worth is not healthy enough to digest the fact that they also matter!
This is why they will seek constant encouragement to do something and even take a stand for themselves. It may feel tiresome and frustrating to you most of the time because you will simply not be able to convince them. But they need validation not just from you but from the entire world, and even the slightest bully can bring them down, compelling you to start all over again.
Being the only company, they will turn to you!
Showering Gifts
You must think that I am kidding, right!
I mean, who doesn’t love gifts? Instead, most women love and appreciate a thoughtful gift. Isn’t it?
But when it comes to insecure men, giving gifts will have an ulterior motive along with it. They believe that their gifts can win your attention very quickly and consequently, you will say Yes to their proposal.
But you can see through this motive very quickly if you closely observe. Most men who are confident about themselves will not rely on giving expensive gifts. Instead, they would wait for the right moment and offer you something thoughtful regardless of the cost.
Insecure men would want to close the deal as early as possible. Also, if things go sideways, they might even hold you accountable or indebted for all the gifts you have received.
One has to be very alert in this case!
The Not so Healthy Jealousy
Well, there are always two kinds of jealousy. The first kind of healthy jealousy is never detrimental to your relationship, but the other kind will always make you suffer.
The unhealthy kind of jealousy occurs from insecurity, and it can make things between you two really tense. You will feel that you are constantly under his watch, and he is guarding you all the time.
Does your boyfriend insist on having your Facebook, Instagram, or worse phone password? Well, many men tend to check their partners’ social media account with persisting suspicion. Even the slightest joke with your best friend can make them jealous, and they will never allow you to go out of sight with anyone else.
This unhealthy behavior should permanently be flagged, and you must put your foot down before things go out of your hand.
You and His World are Synonym
As mentioned earlier, they will leave you little to no personal space at all in the relationship. This is because they don’t allow themselves any personal space either. Their world will revolve around you, and that’s why everything about you must start and end with him.
Most of the insecure boyfriends often tend to take part in everything their partners usually do. Be it a hobby or work, and your partner might want to follow you and even join you if possible.
He would want to be part of your social group and even interfere with your decisions. This is simply because they don’t have anything better to do. With insecure people, the love life they have becomes their hobby, pastime, and passion.
Lack of Real Friends
Insecure people will inevitably have very few real friends. I mean, after all, who would wish to be with an insecure person, even as a friend! This will make you his only friend, confidant, and guiding star or the other way around.
They will self-appoint them as your true guide, and whatever association they might have had will be thrown out of the window.
Rapid disinterest in socializing with other people apart from you is a very bold sign that you have an insecure partner.
Reign of Control
This is perhaps the most evident sign of all.
An insecure person will always try and control you no matter what. Be it choosing a gift for someone or buying something for yourself, he will put forth his choice and eventually compel you to choose the one he is suggesting.
But this can go beyond just choosing a gift or a dress and hamper your life decisions as well. He will compel you to put this relationship before literally everything else and sadly before your true happiness as well.
It is at this point your relationship will reach its saturation point, and you might start feeling absolutely disgusted with yourself.
Every Guy in Your Life is Potential Threat
Well, their insecurity can come from all the guy friends you might have in your life. Basically, their self-esteem is never enough, and he will always compare himself with others and consider them as nothing but a threat.
Like a possessive little child who is always afraid to lose his one precious toy, he will safeguard you from every possible threat known to him. And in doing so, he will rob you of your privacy, space, and, most importantly, all your friends.
Pushing Things before Time
Most insecure men don’t have the patience to wait for something to happen at the right time. They wish to push it as soon as possible and make it happen by hook or crook.
Transient or uncertain things constantly torment them. So, they would push you to commit very quickly without giving you the chance to really think it through.
Reaction to Your Success
A truly insecure man will be jealous of the success of his own partner. So, if you really wish to know if you have one such man in your life or not, then you should carefully observe how he reacts to your success.
The way he will handle the news, and everything that comes after will tell you a lot about his mental health and the future of this relationship.
Suspecting You of Having a Second Agenda
Insecurity is often deep-rooted, and most of the time, the wound is of betrayal.
Due to some past experience or something else, your partner, being insecure, will not have complete trust in your love for him, and he would often question you as to why you are with him in the first place.
The constant thought of getting used again torments them, and when you are being too friendly with him, he suspects you of having a second agenda.
The ideal solution to this problem is definitely communication, but convincing a genuinely insecure partner can turn out to be an arduous task.
But as I said, one must give love a second chance.
So, How Do You Cope Up with an Insecure Partner?
- Reevaluating your own behavior is the first step of the process. It may sound super frustrating, but success lies here. When you will reevaluate your conduct with him, you can connect the dots that led to the argument. In this way, you can prevent future arguments and carve a way to communicate better with him. Communication is the key to overcoming a situation like this.
- Extending support and care can be the next line of action. It needs some patience on your part as well. Insecurity is not an overnight problem, and it cannot be cured overnight either. Hence, you will have to give him the time to understand his problems and make him feel that you are there for him.
- Making him needier is not the key here. The idea here is to boost his self-esteem and self-awareness. If you are successful in showing him his true worth before the mirror, the hardest part of the work will be over. His own confidence in himself will drive him forward without the fear of losing you all the time.
- More confidence in himself can help him overcome the need for constant validation. Once an insecure man is bold enough to make his own choice, he can face the world and society without anyone’s help. Help him find a vocation in life other than the relationship, and it will help him become confident with himself.
- Talk about his past freely whenever the situation arises. It will make him feel less awkward with his past and become open with you. The more open he will be with you, the better the trust build-up will be. The constant suspicion that you have a second agenda can leave his head, and he can actually put his faith in your love.
- Make him understand the value he has in your life. This can genuinely turn him around for good if you successfully convince him. Most of his past relationships must have made him emotionally vulnerable, but one person can make a difference for him.
- You must never go down the same path as his. Being with an insecure man must never turn you into one either. Otherwise, everything that you have achieved so far will be undone. Plus, it will only establish his faith back in his older self, and from that point onwards, your relationship can never meet reconciliation.
- Communicate with a cool head no matter how hard it seems. Losing your temper will only make things worse for you. If you stay calm, you might make it through. In worst-case scenarios, you can always consult a therapist and use that advice to make some changes in your relationship.
What Remains?
Well, this post can only help you with the basic idea of an insecure partner and how to deal with him. But every human being is different, so you have to adjust and observe the situation accordingly.
But the most crucial thing needed here is the will to give love and your lover a second chance.
However, this goes without saying that you can only do so if you put yourself before everything else, especially your own happiness.
If you have a similar experience, tell us your story in the comments section and help millions of our readers worldwide.
Take care!
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