Space in A Relationship: Is It the Key to A Happy Relationship?
Have you observed any famous monuments where pillars are involved? Please don’t be alarmed; this is not a post about architecture. However, the thing we are going to talk about can be learned from various things around us, including architecture.
So, coming back to the original question, if you observe any structure including pillars, you will see two of them are set quite apart from each other, yet they uphold the same roof.
Now, apart from the literal meaning, what else can you make out from it?
If you think a bit deeper, you will realize that if the pillars were placed a bit too close to each other, the roof would not have survived. Yet with a space between themselves is all that was needed. This is the importance of space, and this amazing thought is presented by Lebanese poet Khalil Gibran in his poem.
“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
― Khalil Gibran, the Prophet
But wait a minute!
Where is ‘Space in a Relationship’ Comes From?
Your partner may wish to have some space from you for multiple reasons. But if you observe your relationship closely, then you can see the signs yourself. What are they? Well, here are a few of them:
- Have you been arguing a lot lately? This is one of the strongest signs that your relationship is becoming too much for both of you. Maybe you or your partner has become a bit too clingy, and now you are not enjoying the feeling at all. What seemed so fun in the initial period of the relationship is now causing all the problems.
- You are not enjoying his/her presence all the time. There was a time when you couldn’t feel happy without seeing him/her in front of you. But that was the honeymoon phase. Now, you need to see your partner 24/7 in front of your eyes which is causing you a lot of problems.
- The bonding is slowly pushing itself out of orbit. You can feel it happening and slowly taking control of the whole ordeal. You are puzzled because you cannot understand what is causing the bonding to lose its grip like this.
- You are absolutely detached from your family and friends. You cannot even manage time to indulge in some kind of hobby you had previously. The relationship has become the greatest vacation of your life.
Also Read: My Boyfriend Doesn’s Respect Me
But How Much Space Is Actually Necessary For Your Relationship?
Just like in the poem, as you can see, space is directly related to togetherness. When you are in a relationship, the idea is to be flexible with each other. If that is the case, then you would never feel alarmed when your partner needs some personal space to do something else.
By no means is this the end of your relationship. Rather it can make your relationship quite stronger in the future. Being together all the time and doing everything together can sometimes make both of you quite weary from each other. This is where the importance of personal space comes into the picture. When you have a space of your own, you can take a pause and unwind. Frankly, being in a relationship means that you constantly need to perform. This causes tiredness!
So, what if your partner has asked for some space?
A lot of people become quite frightened and think this is the end of their relationship. But there are ways by which you can keep your relationship perfectly normal again.
Let’s look at them one after the other.
Set Some Ground Rules
This is essential in all respect! Maybe both of you are opting for this for the first time. So, setting up some ground rules is very important. Now, these ground rules should be fully customized and made as per you need them.
Maybe you don’t want your partner to text you every day, or maybe there is a particular time of the day when you don’t wish to talk. No matter what that is, you need to tell that honestly to your partner and arrange that accordingly. When you have an ideal balance between yourself, these ground rules will not become a problem in the long run.
Respect Their Honesty
This is also imperative! You must respect the decision and the honesty of your partner. Because instead of creating continuous fuss and other excuses or, worst, lying to you, your partner simply told the truth.
This is a sign that your partner genuinely wants your presence and seeks the support much needed to make a relationship work. This is why you should respect his/her decision and see it as a positive sign as well. Frankly, when you are giving someone some space from the relationship, you are also getting it in return as well.
There is nothing wrong with having fun together; however, you must also learn how to spend a good time with your family and friends as well.
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That One Hobby You Always Wanted
We all have some kind of hobbies, but maybe most of us fail to manage the time needed to pursue these hobbies in the long run. A major reason for that is our professional life, and right after that, we have our personal relationships.
When you are in a relationship, it will demand a lot of time. This, you won’t have any time left for you to indulge in your hobbies. This is why many couples try to come up with some couple hobbies to do together. But what can you do if your partner is asking for some space?
Well, this is the time to indulge in your hobbies or that one thing you always wanted to do but could never find the time to do it. This way, you both can be happy without disturbing each other’s space.
Stop Complaining About His or Her Friends
Most of the time, when one-half of the couple asks for some space is because they feel detached from their family and friends. Now, you may be a very important person in his or her life, but we need to stay connected with our friends and family as well.
Hence, if you plan on supporting her through thick and thin, then make sure you stop complaining about him or her spending time with his/her friends. Stop thinking that they care about you any less than they care about their friends. Dealing with space in a relationship is much more psychological than physical. Once you are able to make your heart understand the reason, the rest of the time will be smoother.
Go on Dates
This can help you strike a great balance between having space and togetherness. Since both of you have your own space and doing the things you love, you will have a lot to catch up on and share with.
This is why going on dates will bring back that sense of togetherness you miss so much. You don’t have to talk so much over the phone if you can arrange date nights at regular intervals.
Just go on a date, relax with each other and talk about all the things you both have been up to lately. It will automatically help you connect better, and the bond will become much stronger.
Stop Texting or Text Less
Texting has surely allowed us to have a great luxury, but it came at a high price. We became completely addicted to texting, and frankly, there’s no going back from this. But how can you not let that interfere with your relationship?
It’s simple; actually, you just have to limit the texting between you and your partner. It counters the very concept of having space between each other. How can you get some space of your own when you are constantly replying to each other? So, try not to text each other so much! One of the greatest disadvantages of texting is that you cannot hear the tone of the person talking to you.
When both of you are giving each other some space, you are actually in a very delicate situation. So, one small misunderstanding can cause you a lot of grief.
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Limited Phone Calls
Since you are not really texting each other that often, try not to call each other too much either. You are not in that early stage of the relationship where you have spent sleepless nights talking to each other till the sun comes up.
Now, you are on the mellow side, and you must simply try and work it out like that. Maybe your partner is asking for some space due to some work pressure or studies. In that case, you should not call him/her too often other than just checking on her. This way, you can create a healthy balance between yourselves.
The idea here is to check on your partner and not disturb or bother them when they are already under so much pressure. So, limit the phone calls and support her just the way she wants. You can still make a good impression by that!
No Fear in Being Alone
During space, many halves of the couple become very jealous of their partner and wonder what they are actually doing with the space. This is where insecurity creeps in, making the relationship a very complex place to be.
You need to do understand that if someone wishes to cheat on you, they can do that without asking for space from you. Frankly, there is nothing you can do about it. However, if you become very suspicious about every single thing you do, then you are only increasing the mental turmoil for yourself.
To counter that, you need to tell yourself that there is nothing wrong with being alone, and you don’t have to fear loneliness either. If you have a faithful partner, then he or she will never break your trust. So, give them space and enjoy your own space as well.
Don’t Use Your Time on Someone Particular
This can create a negative impact, although it is highly subjective. When you are asking for space from someone, you are some reasons as well. However, it cannot work like you enjoying some fun time with just one particular person other than your partner.
This may make your partner think that you are more drawn to that person than the relationship itself. To avoid this kind of miscommunication between yourselves, you need to talk freely about what you wish to do during this space. It will help you set the ideal ground rules to make it work in the long run.
The more you will communicate, the better it will be for your future.
Also read: 201 First Date Questions
Define the Concept of Space for You
What does this space mean to you? And what does this space bring to this relationship? Both of you should be very clear about these two things and must be on the same page about it.
Suppose both of you have a different set of ideas about this whole space-giving thing that can never work out perfectly. One of you will have to argue with the other to establish their preference. So, if your partner is suddenly asking for some space from the relationship, then respect his/her feelings and sit down to talk openly about how you two are viewing it.
Don’t Confuse It with a Break
There are many people who are often confused between having space from the relationship to having a break from the relationship. Please bear in mind that both of these things are completely different from each other.
Having a break from the relationships comes with a number of other rules and commitments, and frankly, the whole approach will be very much different. However, when you are just looking for some space, you are not really out of the relationship temporarily. You are very much in it, but it is just that you need some time alone every day to set some affairs straight. If a couple confuses between the two, it can only be difficult for you in the future.
Be Ready to Do Some Compromise and Adjustments
In a relationship, nothing can work out perfectly if you are not ready to make some compromises or adjustments. Try to set your ego apart and be open to flexibility. After all, that is the basis of every relationship.
But make sure this thing happens from both ends of the relationship. One person can simply make all the adjustments and compromises while the other person enjoys complete freedom. It can only create a further feud between you two.
Try not to push each other’s limits because it can only cause more trouble. While setting ground rules, try to keep in mind the strength and weaknesses of his/her character. This is the secret of any relationship.
Don’t Take It Personally
A lot of people easily get offended when their partner asks them for space in the relationship. Frankly, you should not think of it in that way. Maybe you are just a bit too invested in the relationship to see that your presence is sometimes becoming overbearing for your partner.
This is where it is imperative that you reconsider the role you have taken up in this relationship and stick to that. Some men tend to be overprotected and over-possessive about their partners.
Assuming all her friends as potential boyfriends and stopping her from mingling with them can be quite detrimental. This is the time when you need to take a step back and allow your partner to indulge some time with someone else other than you.
Why Don’t You Connect with Your Family and Friends Too?
Since you are allowing your partner to have some time alone with their friends and family, why don’t you do that yourself too?
Or maybe there is some work that you always wanted to finish but just couldn’t manage the time to do it. Believe it or not, this is the time to reconnect to all that. Only when you too savor the space from the relationship will you understand how beneficial it can be for your relationship.
Catch up with the friends you grew up with or the people around your locality. The more people you will meet, the better perspective you will have about love and relationship as everyone has something different going on.
See It as a Test of Commitment:
One of the most effective ways of handing space in a relationship is by thinking of it as a test of commitment with your loved one. Doing things on your own can seem a bit boring, especially when you have a girlfriend/boyfriend.
But if the relationship is much more important to you, then all this will be a test of commitment for you. You just have to focus on what’s best for the relationship overall.
Honestly, having space between yourself is much better than constantly fighting with each other on trivial matters. Having spaces between yourself can make you confident about the feelings you have for each other.
How Much Space Do You Need to Give?
As I said earlier, you need to sit with them and talk about the ground rules necessary to this. During that discussion, you must clarify with your partner how exactly they want you to give them that space. Maybe he/she wants a bit more time alone to do things like going to the gym or practicing the guitar. If that is the case, then you can easily set some terms to it and think about how many times a week they shall indulge in those activities. But sometimes, things are not so simple as they might need something a bit more subjective. Like maybe, they tell you that they need more “me-time”. To tackle this situation, you must ask them to be very specific about what exactly they want you to do for them.
So, to put it simply, the idea here is to understand the matter and do the best possible for you. But make sure your actions are backed by reason. Like their demands cannot be unrealistic and made to make you suffer. If you face anything like that, then you can surely put your foot down. However, if things don’t become that severe, then a bit of compromise is all you need to make things smoother in the future. Make sure it doesn’t become a life-altering event for you, and the rest will be fine.
Give Them Space but Still, Check on Them
Giving them space doesn’t mean that you need to drift apart from each other. To avoid that, you just have to check on them regularly without bothering them. This way, the space between will not feel like a distance between you.
To make it very simple, just tell him/her how willing you are to support them and t to extend your care; you would be checking on him/her every weekend. This way, you can prove that you respect their decision and yet care about him/her deeply as well. No matter how much space you will have, there will be certain needs from your end as well. So, you need to communicate openly and stay connected that way.
Communication is your biggest strength here!
What Remains?
So, these are the things you need to do keep in mind when asked to give space to your partner. If you have any such personal experience, then do feel free to share that with us in the comments section.
Best of luck!
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