Shyness and Loneliness Are Connected: This Post Tells You Why!
Being lonely and shy has nothing to do with being a bad human being. This is the first and foremost thing that we need to understand.
However, if you are missing out on your life because of being so shy, then it may create some problems for you. It can affect your personal life as well as your professional life.
This is why in this post, we are going to try and talk about a few tips that will help you get over this shyness and deal with your loneliness.
So let’s get started.
Loneliness and Shyness
The first thing you need to understand is that loneliness and shyness are two completely different mental states and must not be mixed with. A person can very well be an extrovert and yet be very lonely in real life. It may sound a bit strange, but it is absolutely possible.
There is a saying in English,
“I feel lonely in a crowded place.”
This sentence defines the kind of people who may be extroverts and have a lot of friends, yet they fail to emotionally connect with most of them and therefore feel lonely.
On the other hand, people who are exceedingly shy fail to communicate with their peers at all and thus become lonely with respect to their social life. However, there are some people who feel quite happy being themselves and doing things alone. In this post, we are not going to refer to them, and they don’t face any such problems in life because of their nature.
But if someone is shy and suffering because of it, then the following tips can help you overcome that. For these people, it is directly linked with their loneliness.
However, before we move on to the tips, let us first try and identify the signs that indicate your loneliness and shyness.
- You fail to communicate with most of your peers. This is the most glaring indication that you are suffering from loneliness and shyness. When you fail to communicate with your peers, you cannot develop friendships and ultimately become quite lonely and feel left out.
- Poor social skills. Even if you get the invitation to visit some social event, you always feel like not going there and socializing with others. This proves that you lack the social skills to mingle with people and have a healthy conversation.
- You can’t figure out how to start a conversation with someone you don’t know that well. This is the biggest challenge for any shy person. They just cannot start a conversation with someone they don’t know well. For this, their circle becomes really small, and no new person gets to enter their lives.
- You are always concerned with what people might perceive about you. This is another huge reason for shy people not to talk with someone they don’t know well. They have the constant fear of getting judged. The comments of other people matter to them a lot, and they don’t seem to get over them so easily.
- Every time you are alone, you long for someone else or some company. This is a classic state of being lonely. People who can enjoy their own company are never bothered to have someone else during their me-time. However, if you are feeling lonely, then you would always long for some company around you.
- You miss out on opportunities. Your lack of social skills will let you down every time, and someone else will get the chance you deserve because they are able to speak up for themselves.
- You feel lonely even when you are surrounded by people. This happens when you fail to connect emotionally with someone inside your peers. Maybe you have hundreds of friends, and your social life seems quite impressive from the outside. However, when it comes to real friends, you truly lack them.
- You cannot speak up for yourself even when something wrong is happening. Shy people will never be able to speak for themselves, let alone for someone else. They may even accept defeat very easily or all the bad remarks others are passing. They lack the confidence to communicate their point of view to other people.
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The Tips to Overcome Loneliness & Shyness
First, we will start with loneliness because, once you get the hang of yourself and enjoy having some time alone to yourself, you can work on your social skills.
Accept the Person You Are
This is a very important thing, and it can help you not just to deal with loneliness or shyness, but it can also help you become a confident person. When you will able to accept the person you are from within, you will be able to enjoy the time you spend with yourself. You will not be longing for more company every time.
Maybe you see one of your friends is always surrounded by many people wherever they go. But you don’t have to feel bad about not being an extrovert like them. Not all of us are like that, and frankly, you may not even enjoy so much company even if you had it. The idea is to have a few good friends who would stand by you no matter what. So, try and accept the characteristics you have, and it will help you gain new confidence about yourself in the future.
Stop Trying to be Perfect
We are not perfect, and no one is! Hence, you don’t have to fret so much about being perfect. Believe it or not but the aspiration of being perfect is quite overrated. We are human beings at the end of the day, so we are bound to be flawed and full of imperfection, and guess what? That’s absolutely FINE!
The more you will try and become perfect for gaining friends, the more pressure you are going to have on your shoulders. One doesn’t have to be perfect to achieve new friends. This concept just has no meaning at all.
Stop Underestimating Your Self
Some of the loneliest people in the world often feel mentally tormented because they underestimate themselves all the time. You don’t have to do that necessarily because most of the time, these estimations don’t actually reflect any kind of reality. All you need to do is give other people a chance to evaluate you, and you might be surprised to see that they appreciate the way you are.
Sometimes all you need is a different pair of eyes to see yourself in new life. It may not happen overnight, but you must start the process and give yourself that chance to make it happen in the future. The valuation a friend can tell you about will be much more than what you had thought in the first place.
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Don’t Let Failure Dampen Your Soul
Maybe you have tried once to get out of this lonely state and searched for friends. But for some reason or the other, it didn’t work out the way you had thought. Maybe again, you have been proven right that friendship is not for you.
However, you must not lose your trust in people and get disappointed so soon. Because you never know when you will meet someone new, and your idea of life and friendship will be changed forever. But for that, you should not feel depressed and wait for that right time to indulge in friendship.
Who knows, maybe in this way, you found someone who can be more than just a friend for you!
Work on Your Physical Self
Our physical health can affect our mental health in more than one way. So, you must try and be at the best of your physical health to get as much positivity you can get.
With this positive mind, you can work on your social skills as well. The more confident you will be from within, the more it will get reflected in the way you talk and connect with other people. So, don’t just indulge in slumber during your free time. Do some physical activities or exercise to stay fit and active, both physically and mentally. Joining a gym, in this case, can really help you. In this case, you might actually get to meet new people and mingle with them. Needless to say, you will have plenty of opportunities to make friends in this way.
Join Some Club of Interest
Just ask yourself the hobbies you have and how much you enjoy indulging in them. So, why don’t you use them to connect with the people you have around you? This way, you can connect with more like-minded people.
What is friendship? It is nothing but two or more like-minded people enjoying each other’s company. So, if that is the matter with you as well, then what are you waiting for? Just visit any kind of club of your interest, and there you may find someone of your same wavelength. Plus, it will help you spend some time with the things you love doing. So, the mental aspect of this activity is also quite helpful. Be it chess or any other sport or hobby you like, just find the nearest club you have and become a member today. In the long run, it will help you work on your social skills as well.
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Volunteer for Something
You stay lonely because people don’t approach you. People don’t approach you because you hardly take part in anything. So, if you wish to give them a new kind of perception, then why don’t you take the first step?
For that, just volunteer in some activity happening around your locality, and you people will find you amiable again. Suppose there is a heath camp going on, and you can actually help some people with the expertise you have in that field. So, just go out there and voluntarily take up some work. Or simply walk up to the person in charge and say that you wish to help with a smile on your face. This way, you can immediately start connecting with the people around you, and they will start accepting you too. You don’t have to be someone else to be loved and accepted by the people around you.
Try a Pet
A pet dog or cat can be a great friend if you really consider yourself lonely. You can choose whatever pet you like, and it can help you feel really happy. The best part is that communicating with an animal can make you emotionally mature.
You will be able to feel emotion even when not a single word has been spoken. Not many people have this kind of quality, and it cannot happen overnight either; however, having a pet can make you ready for that. So, just go to a pet store, find a pet you absolutely love, and go out for a walk with your pet. The sense of bonding you will feel can help you become a better person.
Give More Time to Existing Relationships
If you are currently unable to make new friends, then you must work on your existing ones at least. As they say, one in hand is always better than two in the bush. So make sure you don’t miss out on the relationship you still have.
Try and do something fun with them. A relationship cannot survive without mutual efforts. Connect with them often and exercise the kind of friendship you aspire to have! After all, a friend in need is a friend indeed. Even with your existing friends, you can work on your social skills.
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Take Professional Help
Acute loneliness can become quite harmful, and it can give birth to diseases like choric depression. If you feel that things are quickly moving in this direction, then you should immediately seek help from some professional.
If the situation is pretty serious, then you need a professional to guide you and counsel you in regular intervals. In this case, try and talk with your parents so that they can arrange it for you.
Tips to Deal with Shyness
Once you are able to accept yourself, you can work on your social skills with much more confidence. So, now, I am going to tell you a few tips you can use to overcome your shyness:
Take Baby Steps
Improving your social skills is something that cannot happen over time; you need to give yourself some time and take very small steps towards it. First, you can start with your local community, and then you can move on to bigger targets.
One of the most common and easiest things is to be saying someone Hello or Good Morning when you meet them. Instantly, you will feel connected with the person you front of you, and some small talk can take place without even trying too hard.
Pay Compliments to People
With the basic salutations in place, you can start the small talk. But if you wish to take it a bit further, then you can pay a sweet compliment to the person in front of you. I mean, who doesn’t like to have compliments!
With this technique, you can instantly connect with someone. The idea here is to maximize the conversation. Because the more you will talk, the more you will be able to overcome your shyness.
Start Talking to Strangers
This is the next step you can take. If you develop the confidence to talk to an absolute stranger, then it is a very good sign for your social skills. You don’t have to go to a club and start flirting with an attractive woman. All you need to do is find a friendly gaze and trust your instincts.
Maybe you are on the bus or taking the tube, and all you need to do is see if you can talk to the person sitting next to you or across from you. You can start with a friendly smile, and if the person smiles back at you, then you can definitely start the small talk. This way, you can actually develop the confidence to approach more and more strangers.
Fix a Goal
Since it is almost a task for you, one must set a goal for himself/herself. Try and understand what you want out of all this. Do you just wish to find a new acquaintance? Do you wish to make new friends? Or are you looking for a partner to have a relationship with?
Defining the goal to yourself will help you map out the approach you are going to take. Because, clearly, the kind of approach you need to use for scoring a girlfriend cannot be used to just make an acquaintance.
Challenge Yourself
Some learn it the hard way! So, when it comes to your professional field, you need to constantly challenge yourself and see if you can deliver or not. Try to speak up in meetings or conferences.
It may be challenging, but you will be able to learn a lot every day about being vocal for yourself. Even if not for anything else, then you should definitely try and speak up for yourself and the ideas you have. As an extra-curricular activity, you can also take part in debates and discussions. No matter what you do, you need to challenge yourself a little bit to get that shyness out of you.
You Don’t Have to Fake
Many people who are shy often try to use the “fake it till you make it” approach. But frankly, you don’t have to do that at all. I mean, it can only make you feel all the more embarrassed if you get caught.
Then why create such a tricky situation for you in the first place? Rather, your approach should be very genuine. Maybe you will be slow to react to something, and that’s fine, but that doesn’t mean you need to pretend. The best part about being genuine is that you can actually create some strong connection that can last a lifetime. Being fake won’t help you there.
The Benefit
Yes, being a little shy doesn’t mean you are all lost, and everything is downhill from here. No, being shy has one benefit as well, and believe it or not, if used carefully, then this benefit can help you connect even better with your peers.
When you are shy, you fail to open up to people, isn’t it? In that case, you will get more time to listen to that person and observe their nature. Now, when you are meeting someone for the first time, you need to have great observation skills to estimate the key traits. This is where shy people can champion the game. So, use this skill to know more about the person and then become the best version of yourself.
Stop Avoiding
How long will you avoid the social events happening around you? Well, if you just avoid the event, then you will never get to know whether or not you have acquired some social skills or not.
Hence from now on, try and attend all the social events happening around you and participate in them in the best way possible. Let people see you in this new light and your newfound confidence. Why hide in the shadows when you can show them something new?
Stop avoiding these gatherings and start taking a stand for yourself. When people see you in this new mind-state, the appreciation will encourage you a lot.
Use a Therapist
This is the last resort, and it should only be used if nothing is working for you at all and rather, you are becoming all the more depressed with it. In such a scenario, you can surely take professional help and see how he guides you to have your confidence back.
What Remains?
So, these are the things you need to do keep in mind to avoid being shy or lonely. If you have any such personal experience, then do feel free to share that with us in the comments section.
Best of luck!
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