Communication in Relationship: No More A Tricky Thing to Do, we will learn all about it in detail. Connection is something that we all crave. Sometimes we seek it from our family and friends, but it is through the intimate relationships that we expect the most, the most amount of connection. But whenever we don’t feel it, we kind of feel left out, isolated, and misunderstood. Often most of us allow these negative emotions to create arguments – or worse, we decide to stop communicating at all.
But the truth is that if you wish to have a happy relationship, then you need to have healthy communication. Healthy communication can lead to a healthy partnership. But you need to understand that it is just about making small talk. Like casually asking your partner how their day went, but if you wish to make your relationship extraordinary, then you must dig deeper.
This is why it is very important to learn how to communicate in a relationship, and it is the only way by which you can fulfill your partner’s needs. The first step to improving communication in your relationship is surely knowing how to listen, not how to talk.
In this post, I will be telling you some interesting ways by which you can effectively improve your communication. Let’s get started.
Never Fail to Commit to True Connection: Communication in the Relationship
Perhaps one of the biggest misconceptions about communication in a relationship is that most people think that it is very much similar to talking or making conversation. But in reality, communication in relationships and the true meaning of it is about connecting and using your verbal, written, and physical skills and using all of it to fulfill your partner’s needs. As I had mentioned, it is much more than just making small talk. The real deal is about understanding your partner’s point of view; then, after understanding that, you should be able to offer support and let your partner know that you are their #1 fan.
If you are thinking about the easy way, then it is always easy to just let real connection and passion diminish, especially if you are in a long-term relationship. But if you wish to improve it really, then you need to admit that you’re not connecting the way you used to. The best way is to just talk with your partner and try to rekindle your connection and get a starting point again.
If you see that your partner is not that ready, then you need to tell yourself that a relationship is a place where you go to give, not someplace where you go to take. You need to believe that you can still do many of these strategies without a commitment from your partner; this can even inspire them to reciprocate in the end.
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Identify and Understand Each Other’s Communication Styles
You need to go step by step before you start working on learning how to improve your communication in a relationship; the first thing you need to realize is that not everyone will have the same communication style. There are four primary communication styles and they are passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive.
If your partner belongs to passive communicators, then he/she is very likely to keep their emotions inside, and they also tend to be the ones who can never seem to say “no.” If he/she belongs to aggressive communicators, then they will be loud and intense, but they will have real trouble making genuine connections with others. All the passive-aggressive communicators can easily avoid conflict, and they sometimes use sarcasm to deflect real communication. Whereas the healthiest type of communication is surely assertive. These people tend to be in touch with their emotions, and they know how to communicate them effectively.
Remember that most of our communication styles also involve our metaprograms, or to put it simply, the ways that we respond to information. You may see some people who like to talk, there are some who prefer the touch, and then you have others who are more visual or respond better to gift-giving rather than having an outward discussion of feelings.
Please understand that communication and relationships are all different. If you acknowledge this, then you can have effective communication, and your partner can be telling you exactly what they need, but you need to be careful about how they convey this information to you. If you see that there’s some kind of miscommunication, then you are likely to miss the opportunity to build trust and intimacy, and this is how you both might get frustrated.
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Try to Discover the Six Human Needs
Yes, you heard me right, there are six different human needs, and if you wish to have better communication with your partner, then you need to understand every single one of them. So, what are the six fundamental needs that all humans share? But before we look at them, keep in mind that each of us tends to put these needs in a different order in accordance with our core values. So, if you are able to discover which needs matter the most to your love or your partner, then it becomes very easy to figure out how to communicate with your partner in a way that fulfills them.
- So, the first human need is the need for certainty. This is the need that pushes us and drives us to seek out pleasure and avoid pain and all kinds of stress and emotional risks. You should ask yourself some questions like how secure is my partner feeling in this relationship? Every human being finds safety and comfort in different things. Hence, you should be open with your partner about what gives them some kind of certainty and makes them feel stable.
- The second human need we have in our lives is vital since it affects communication and relationships. This is the need for variety. Do you know that uncertainty isn’t always scary when you know how to communicate with your partner? Every relationship needs healthy challenges as they allow partners to grow together. When you manage to learn how to communicate better, you’ll find that this variety actually keeps things fun and exciting for both of you.
- Next is significance, and this is the third human need. Every single one of us has the need to feel unique and important. But for this, communication is key to this particular desire since your partner needs to know that you really need them in a singular way, and also, they need to know that they fulfill your needs in ways that only they can. But how can you demonstrate this to your partner? Well, you cannot just tell them that they are significant to you, you also need to show them through loving touch, and you need to offer them some support as well when they need it and spend quality time with them.
- The fourth need we have is for connection and love. Almost all of us need to feel connected with others, and when we have effective communication in relationships, it allows us to know that we are loved, and the other person can make us feel at our most alive; however, when you have the absence of love, and it can cause pain as nothing else can. Sometimes you may have noticed that too often, we automatically say “I love you” when we use to solve a conflict with our partners. But that is when we tend to forget to show love in a real, tangible way, a kind of way that speaks to our partner’s needs. But when you reverse this pattern, you will be able to consciously show your partner how you them every day, in a way that speaks to their personal preferences and as well as their needs. When you learn how to improve communication in a relationship, you will see that it is about realizing what “language” your partner best understands and giving them love in that way.
- The fifth need we have in our life is growth. As you might have already observed that the human experience is one of motion, and without constant growth, you will see that the relationships will become stale. That’s why we need to constantly endeavor to evolve along the different paths but, obviously, the paths that interest us the most. They can be emotional, intellectual, spiritual, or otherwise. But also remember that not just you but your partner has the need for growth as much as well. So in your journey to learn to communicate better, you should also try and learn how to better grow together. Just try and ask yourself when the last time you supported your partner’s growth was? And especially in the areas in which he/she is most passionate? Also, figure out how you can continue to support them to the fullest?
- The sixth and last human need is contribution and giving. You should always keep in mind that the secret to living is giving. This is why wise men say that contribution is our source of meaning, and it is also the thing that determines who we become and also preserves our legacy and helps us understand who we are and our role in the world. So, make sure to consider what you give to your partner and how you can extend that! Always check if you are giving your time and also your undivided attention? Sometimes you need to give her the benefit of the doubt as well, and sometimes you need to give them a second chance. When you manage to strengthen your communication in relationships, both of you will be able to continually come up with something new and better ways of contributing to the other’s happiness.
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Know All About the Three Keys to Passion And Intimacy!
All the strongest relationships that you know will surely have polarity. By this, we mean that there are opposing masculine and feminine energies complimenting each other! Every time the needs of either person aren’t being met, the other person will put on a “mask” of the opposing energy and also tend to close off from their partner. But if you can embrace the concept of polarity in relationships compete Lyly, then a beautiful connection is created. In this respect, you need to remember that the masculine and feminine energies each will have three key needs that must be met.
- The feminine energies need to feel seen, and they would want you to be present with them and appreciate them. They also feel the frequent need to feel understood through listening and validation. Also, they need to feel safe, both physically and emotionally.
- On the other hand, you have masculine energies, and they need to feel appreciated, all through praise and celebration. They often need to feel free and never micromanaged or controlled. Sometimes they need to feel opened up to, and thus, you need to share your emotions and affection freely.
- Like I have said before, communication in relationships is always about first fulfilling your partner’s needs. If you manage to do that, then they will be more open to communicating and connecting with you, and this is how you can create the relationship you both desire.
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Try and Determine If Your Partner’s Needs Are Being Met
This is very crucial, but how can you do that? Well, there is obviously a kind of surefire way to know if your partner is getting their needs met in your relationship or not. But what is that? Well, you just need to ask the right questions and then deeply listen to the answers. Make sure to reflect on what your partner says, and whenever you are sure what he or she means, then feel free to ask by restating their point and the confirm once if you understand correctly. The key to perfect communication in a relationship is often not dependent on the actual verbal communication at all, but it is actually dependent on the way we listen to our partner.
Like, it can happen that your partner is communicating or at least trying to tell exactly what the problem is, but if you’re not just listening, then you’ll miss it. It is better to resist the pull of just waiting for your partner to finish whatever they are trying to explain, and then you can get into your “turn.” But this is not the right kind of listening; it’s just waiting to talk.
What you need to do is to listen to your partner with a calm, open mind and really hear what they are saying to you. This way, you will learn how to communicate better, and it will also enable you to connect with your partner on a much deeper level.
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Try to Overcome the Negative Patterns
Now, once you are sure about what your partner needs and have also managed to figure out their preferred communication style, you may not think that your job is done. Overall, there’s something else that affects communication in relationships! Can you guess what that is?
Well, it is how you’re speaking. This is very vital since many experts on communication tell us various insights about the way we talk into pitch, pace, volume, and timbre. So, the next time you’re in a disagreement with your partner, you should always be mindful and make conscious efforts to just modulate these aspects of your voice.
If you have a voice or use a voice that is overly high-pitched during a conversation, then you may sound defensive and immature. Also, when you end a sentence with a higher pitch, it can sound like a question. So, try to avoid doing this unless you’re actually asking a question. If not, worst-case scenario, your partner might have some doubt in him/her.
You Should Never Assume
I know how easy it is to get worked up in your own head about something, but it all the more happens because you never feel like reaching out to the other person. Always remember that assumptions and mind-reading often lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. This is the opinion of several relationship experts. So, you should never assume that you know what they’re thinking but have trust and reach out instead.
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Listen, Listen, Listen
Like I have said before, true and ideal communication isn’t just about talking; it’s also about being an active listener. And how can you become an active listener? When you need to listen to what your partner says instead of getting all defensive without understanding his/her point of view or where they’re coming from. You should be calm and wait for your turn while at the same time, be in the moment.
Don’t Nitpick
Believe it or not but little digs can build up. So, if you have a problem, then you should just say it. It is much better to just spit it out rather than making little comments or hurtful jabs. They are not just immature but detrimental as well, and they will slowly corrode your relationship.
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Always Have Regular Relationship Check-Ins
Like, it is absolutely great if you manage to ask how they are every day, but along with these little things, you need to touch the big stuff too. Like, how about asking questions like “How do you feel about us?” and if you see any big changes like feeling like moving in, getting engaged, and going on holiday, then you must talk about them regularly. This way, you both will have some moment to air your individual concerns.
Have to Believe That Things Can Change
Always remember that when you have positive conversation and communication, you will automatically have a positive attitude. You should never approach problems as though they’re absolutely impossible to solve. You should always have faith that things can change no matter what, and they can change for good.
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Respond
Whenever you see your partner reaching out to you, make sure to always be there to meet them. According to relationship coach and therapist Anita Chlipala,
“Couples try to get each other’s attention throughout the day, whether it’s for support, conversation, interest, play, affirmation, feeling connected or for affection,”
She also adds that
“Each of these moments is an opportunity to connect with your partner. A person should look for someone who responds to them, or at least acknowledges them when they try to get their attention because it shows that they are meeting your emotional needs —or at least trying to.”
Regardless of the fact that it is just talking about your day or trying to solve and discuss big issues, you must always recognize each other’s efforts while reaching out.
Ready to Start Over
You should have the faith that when something really doesn’t work, you need to start over, and it can be for good. Because sometimes, no matter how much you try to improve communication in a relationship, something or the other happens. This is the time when you need to step back and realize your negative patterns. Only this way can you start over before they become destructive.
Always believe that you two are together because you make each other smile. All the problems are like obstacles that you need to surmount. We all know how easy it is to give up, but these are the moments, the moments of crisis, that will define your relationship. So, you should just listen to your partner, discover the needs they value the most, and try to fulfill them. The moment you will realize that giving is the secret to a fulfilling relationship, you’ll have the energy to put constant work into how to communicate with your partner.
What Remains?
So, these are the ways by which you improve communication in your relationship. I hope these points mentioned above can help you get started doing better each day. If you have any such personal experience, then do feel free to share that with us in the comments section.
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