Dating with a Married Woman: Should You Ever Consider This? If So, Then How To Tackle This?
“Love is blindness
I don’t wanna see
Won’t you wrap the night
Around me?
Oh my heart
Love is blindness…”
These lines are taken from a famous song called Love Is Blindness by the Irish Rock band U2. You cannot deny that these opening few lines really capture the very nature of true love.
True love will never follow any rule! It will not fall prey to the constraints created by society or, at times, by the law and judiciary system. Love is just a genuine connection between two souls, and it will never care much about the exterior of things. So, what if you fall in love with a married woman?
Yes, don’t be surprised but rather ask yourself, has it ever crossed your mind? And maybe there are some of you there, reading this now while being irrevocably in love with a married woman. But how do you move forward with it? How do you begin dating a married woman?
This is what this post is going to look at.
Dating a Married Woman: It is a Difficult Road to Take
Love does not care about the so-called logic that we, as outsiders of the relationship, imply. But that does not mean it can be completely selfless. Love, no matter with whom it is for, will always seek recognition and reciprocation.
But when you are dating a married woman, this longing for reciprocation and recognition can surely pose a problem for you because most of the women cannot do it the way you want them to. Maybe when you look at her eyes, you see the immense ocean of love where the waves are approaching you, but in reality, she is calm and composed and yet holding back the waves from crashing against you.
This is because somewhere, they have a line that they don’t want to cross or they fail to cross. The union of marriage is not as simple as it looks; hence, you cannot always fathom the complex spectrum of emotions running through her mind.
So, when you are dating a married woman, it will never be a very easy road to take.
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Can It Be Risky Dating a Married Woman?
Yes, I mean it is never a risk-free zone, and to a certain extent, it also borders on immorality. Being the third wheel of anything is not a very good thing if, however, you are part of a tri-cycle or a three-piece Jazz band.
When you date a family-oriented married woman, you are automatically creating distress in her married life, or you are just aggravating a wound that is already there. Most people dating a married woman are always driven by the hope that one day she might give up on her marriage and start a new life with him. Although it might seem quite plausible to you, it is kind of unfair to her current partner or husband.
Indirectly, you are making her think of the entire situation as some kind of an escape route or a place where she can find some solace from a seemingly unbearable married life. Ideally, she needs to work out all the differences with her husband, and if, however, she decides to come out of the marriage, it should be her spontaneous decision and not something inspired by your insistence.
Considering all that, if you still think that you can’t help but date a married woman, then there are a few things you need to keep in mind.
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The Things to Keep In Mind While Dating Married Woman
This is not a usual path that you are taking; hence you should not expect anything like your average fling or relationship. There will be some clear differences, and you need to prepare yourself for them. So what are they? Let’s take a look at them one by one.
Prepared to Get Your Heartbroken
Some men have the tendency to jump inside a bucket, considering that it is a deep ocean. I guess you know what I mean by this. It happens to the best of us, and it is nothing but a lack of perception. When dating a married woman, you should not jump too deep too soon. Before taking the plunge, you need to think everything through.
However, you need to be prepared to get heartbroken or tell yourself she might break it any day. Being a married woman, they are taking a huge risk, probably much more than you are, so the moment they realize that this affair might cost them too much to bear, they might just leave the entire thing and demand the first exit.
In such a scenario, you might feel heartbroken because you would be too invested in the relationship. But that’s how things will be in a relationship like this. Just like I said before, it will not be anything like your average flings, and you need to accept whatever comes your way.
You May Only Be a Pleasure Palace
Yes, it may sound very degrading, but that’s how it is. You need to understand her motivation in the first place to fall in love with you. Remember the times when she was very much bored with her married life, and then you came along, and everything kind of changed for her?
Well, that happened because you acted like the missing piece in her puzzle. You provided exactly the kind of excitement she was missing in her life. There might never be any real emotional connection or dependence on one another, or even if it does happen, it may take a lot of time. Primarily, it may only be only for the physical intimacy and pleasure-seeking game, something that she lacks in her marriage. It can also be trivial things like movie dates or shopping sprees that she can no longer enjoy with her husband. In a word, you will be someone with whom she will seek the simple pleasures of life, and you will have to be satisfied with that.
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Get Used to Be Lied to
When a person is managing both ends, she will inevitably need to lie to both at different times. Irrespective of the fact that you know all about her married life doesn’t change the fact that she would still wish to keep you a secret from her husband.
Since, with time, you would also feel weak for her and even at times become possessive, she will have to manage both ends. This would compel her to lie to you and your husband both. She might text you are saying she cannot meet you today because she will be too busy with the office. But in reality, she might be stuck with her husband.
But the worst part is not getting lied to. The most difficult part in all this is bearing the fact that you are getting lied to. Sometimes you will realize that you are getting lied to, and yet there is nothing you can do about it. You just have to get used to it.
No Reciprocation, No Recognition
Have you ever had any other relationships? Then probably you can remember how it used to be with that other person. You used to get excited when she would introduce you to her other friends, and if things go along the right track, then you might also stand a chance to meet her parents for lunch someday.
But when you are dating a married woman, you cannot have such expectations from her since it would be highly risky and impractical. Then again, it is a secret and illicit kind of affair, so you will never get any kind of recognition from her or her acquaintances.
If you have decided that you would move forward with this kind of relationship, then you should not feel so bummed out because of this and rather accept it as a part of everything else. No matter how excited and thrilled you might feel about introducing her to your friends; it will be better if you resist your temptation as she might reject the idea.
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Signing Up For an Abnormal Relationship
Like I have said before, your relationship with a married woman will be far from normal, and it may take a toll on you in the long run. You need to say goodbye to long evening walks or a romantic dinner at a fancy restaurant because usually, she will be hesitant to be seen together in public.
So, you will have to arrange some secret rendezvous with her and do everything in the shadows. You may even have to meet her at odd hours because, at times, it will be difficult for her to manage both sides, and she would ask you to push the limits a bit for her.
And no matter what, you will have to oblige.
Never Try to Peep Into Her Personal Space
Married women tend to be very protective about their personal space, and that’s why ideally, you should never invade her personal space no matter what. You need to understand that the relationship you have is a limited one, and you have limited access to her life. When you try and push this boundary, you become susceptible to falling for her, and sometimes you may even come across as too disturbing.
No matter how possessive you feel for her, you should always refrain from asking some personal questions about her life. Even when she is physically intimate with you, she will not be supposed to tell all the nitty-gritty details of her private life with her husband. If you ever wish her to think about you seriously, then you will have to become everything her husband could never be, and that starts with being an understanding boyfriend who is willing to take things as they come without being impatient.
Always remember that on a psychological level, she is also going through a very confused state, and you should not make it more confusing for her. Rather try and enjoy the moments you have together.
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Respect the Feelings She Has For Her Husband
Being in a relationship like this requires a much more mature approach. You cannot just act like a college kid who is living his fantasy. No, you cannot be so jealous of her husband that you end up instigating her against him. This way, you will only show how similar you are mental to her husband.
If you wish to come across as someone different, then you need to respect the feelings she has for her. At no given point should you instigate her or make her feel vulnerable for you. The idea here is to make her see a true partner in you and not someone she already dreads.
The best approach, in this case, would be to stop discussing her husband at all. You should never compare yourself with him or even the feelings she has for you with the sentiment she has towards her marriage.
Never Be Scared
If you are in it, make sure to prepare yourself for the long haul, and you should never feel scared about the consequences. It can happen that you need to confront her husband or someone from her family in case the whole secrecy gets blown.
You never know who will eventually blow the lid, but you need to be ready for whatever happens! This will prove your courage and commitment towards the relationship, and if she is ever going to consider paring up with you, then this attitude will surely help her make the decision.
Also, if you were never ready to face the consequence in the first place, then you should not have been in this kind of relationship in the first place. Courage is necessary when you are trying something unorthodox. If you lack it, then better you stick to normal things.
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She Will Make Her Family Come Before You
Marriage is not just a union between two people, it is also a kind of social institution, and it has its own set of rules. That’s why a married person will always be very protective about her marital status. Because in society, this status means something to her. When a girl gets married, she is indeed not the only person who bears this tag, but her family members also carry this emblem along with them. So, when this marital status is questioned due to some reason or the other, they are also put to the gallows pole along with the woman.
So, the moment she feels that this relationship has run its course or it is now going out of her hand, and she is unable to do anything about it, she might just back off immediately. No matter what, she will always put her family before you, and their respect in society will always be above her feelings for you.
You will have to accept this harsh reality and move on with your life because you will never stand in a position to question this judgment.
Try Not to Be Too Physically Involved From the Start
Temptations can be difficult to deny, especially in a situation like this where commitment comes later, and the primary basis becomes the question of pleasure. Most people would slip into such a scenario. But this is what you need to avoid too much from the start.
The moment you both will become too much physically dependent on each other, the relationship will become very much confusing, and any sudden decision will seem too harsh to bear. As I said, at any given moment, she might withdraw herself, and you will be left alone in agony. Being too much involved with her physically will only precipitate that pain.
You may even go to the point of becoming jealous because she shares her bed with her husband as well on the same day when she was with you. This kind of feeling will tear you apart from the inside.
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Avoid If Possible When She Has a Child
Dating a married woman and having a child adds something very different to the equation. In such a scenario, you will have to be sure that the woman will do anything for the better future of her child.
So, if you are not mentally ready to take the responsibility of a child, then you should just avoid getting involved with such a woman. Because if, by chance, her marriage is ruined because of your presence, her child will also suffer the consequence because of you.
Are you ready to take responsibility for that? You need to ask yourself this simple question. If you are ready to do that, then only move ahead with this relationship. If not, then just simply try to find a way to get out of all this, as it will be better for everyone.
Never Try to Guilt-Trip Into Doing Something
As I have mentioned in the beginning, being the third wheel in a marriage is not just a risky thing, but it also borders on being immoral. But the definition of morality is always tangible, and if the woman never really gave you any sign, then nothing would have happened.
But you should never use this to your benefit and make her feel guilty about doing a particular thing. Some men, while dating a married woman, make her feel guilty about what she is doing, and in return, they compel her to follow their will. This, however, is a very degrading thing to do. If you do something like this, then it will only make her feel all the more hostile towards you.
The best way to tackle this is to never even think about it. One should never come up with the concept of guilt or mistake and rather accept it as nothing but a human impulse. This will avoid confusion and help you have a healthy relationship with your partner. Using the whole thing to your benefit will only show you in a negative light.
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Are You Her Revenge Affair?
Sometimes it is important to understand where you stand in someone’s life. Just because you are dating a married woman doesn’t mean everything will be very romantic, that she only chose you because you give her the love she always longed for etc. etc.
Well, ideally, this should be the case, but sometimes it might not be like this. Sometimes, you might just be nothing but her revenge affair, the only way to draw her husband back towards her or just torment him by being intimate with you. In such a scenario, you should avoid getting involved in such a situation.
Because maybe for you, it is nothing but genuine feelings; however, when they are crushed by her mercilessly, the feeling is never a good one.
Hold On to the Opportunity If She’s The One
Do you think she could be the one? Do you think she is the one you have always longed for all your life? Do you see that against all odds, she is desperately trying to reciprocate your love just the way you want?
Then, my friend, you should hold on to that opportunity and see to the end. Many of us end up marrying the wrong person. At first, we don’t understand it, but sooner or later, we realize it, and our life becomes miserable.
If your date is one such woman and if you think both of you together can make a difference for each other, then you can surely pursue this unorthodox relationship.
What Remains?
So, these are the important things you need to know about dating a married woman. I hope these points will help you tackle the situation with care if you have decided to move ahead with it. If you have any such experience, then please do feel free to share that with us in the comments section.
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