Have you thought about how to express anger without pushing him away? It is no doubt tough to express your rage correctly. Anger is a common emotion to any human being, but it is risky. Being angry or frustrated is nothing wrong. It becomes dangerous when you do not know how to express them appropriately. You can get immediate closure if you medicate or use conventional wisdom, but it is advised not to swallow your anger without actually giving another thought. Forgiving is nice, but sometimes it is necessary to show your irritation. Getting frustrated is nothing wrong. You have every right to be pissed at something irritating. Many renowned counseling psychologists have quoted that
”when you are continuously getting irritated and pissed about something you are not aware of then, it is your subconscious mind acknowledging something wrong.”
Every individual has the right to get angry, but it can cause harm to your health. According to many renowned psychologists, when we get mad, our body starts releasing cortisol, adrenaline, and other hormones; as a result, it can cause an increase in heart rate affects blood circulation and perspirations. When the anger lasts for a long duration, it may cause hypertension, chronic stress attacks, ulcer, bowel diseases, and many other harmful diseases. Anger sometimes starts controlling you and your subconscious. That is the moment when you need to calm yourself up.
It would help if you balanced your mind and anger; when you get irritated, you start getting uncontrolled. When your rage takes control over your subconscious, you naturally lose the power to judge those things. As a result, you may end up losing everything you love. Too much anger in any relationship is dangerous.
When you get angry, you may lose control of yourself, which can result in losing someone or something you love. A proper way of expressing your anger without pushing a loved one away is a sign of maturity. This article is all about how you can express your anger without pushing him away.
Tips to How to Express Anger Without Pushing Him or Anyone Away?
Expressing your frustrations that no one gets hurt is a sign of maturity. In your relationship, the moment you express your anger while hurting your boyfriend, your relationship may come to an end. Anger not only affects your relationship but is also harmful to your health. To keep your relationship stable, make sure to follow the tips given below.
Do not lie to yourself
When we somehow get mad at our boyfriend, our self-esteem or self-confidence gets directly involved. When a girl claims that she is mad at her boyfriend, her confidence also gets involved. Your confidence relies on how honest you are with yourself. Suppose you are not confident about why you are mad at your guy, then you start doubting your self-confidence. The moment you begin examining your faith, your attractiveness gets reduced. A guy usually likes a woman who works according to her feelings, does not question her confidence, and has the proper judgment about better relationships.
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When we get pissed off, we start bottling up our rage so much that it results in unleashing it on our loved ones. We may sometimes express our anger on an entirely different topic rather than what we are angry for. For example, you and your guy were on a romantic date, you want him to get attracted towards you, but instead, he is busy with his phone. And you expressed your anger on another topic rather than confronting the actual reason for your irritations.
Avoid those things, it is legit for you to describe the exact cause, but instead, you choose another random topic to get mad at. Calm yourself first and get some time to sense the reality, then approach your lover with honesty and confidence, what makes you angry at him. That will be an appropriate way to express your anger without doubting your belief.
Are you over-functioning in your relationship?
When you feel angry with your boyfriend or husband, you may think that you are investing too much time and effort in your relationship compared to your lover. Some counselors refer to it as “over-functioning.” Overfunctioning, according to some psychologists, is a situation when a girl is striving hard to attract her lover’s attention and spending lots of time talking and thinking about him.
When you invest so much effort in a relationship, your expectations also increase. As a result, you indirectly create pressure on your lover. When your expectations are not satisfied, you get exhausted. And as a result, a distance may occur between you and your lover. But the reality is that you are angry with your overthinking and so much effort you put into your relationship.
So before bursting your anger in your partner, calmly ask yourself, are you angry at him for his action? or exhausted with so much effort you put into the relationship? Or what are your expectations? Once you have your answers, you can determine the cause of your anger. As well as, you can now control your emotions effectively.
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Consider writing the reason for your rage
Anyone has the right to get angry about something they do not like. A simple trick to express your anger or thoughts to someone you love is to write down the reason for your rage. Express your emotions and feelings in the paper. It will help you clarify the reason for your madness.
It is a simple trick to express your rage only, but it also helps regulate your emotions inside. It is necessary to express your frustration because keeping those emotions for a while can affect you both mentally and physically.
Writing your emotions helps because naturally, your logic and reasons suffer. So, writing it on paper will help you visualize and explore the reasons based on reality. You can also correctly express your point of view to your partner think of yourself as an impartial observer:
Writing about your emotions is helpful, but it can cause you to overthink about him and the situation. As a result, you may get angry. If you start to feel angry about your case, you can generate some distance between your partner and act as an impartial observer. Sometimes it is necessary to think of yourself as a neutral observer and then judge both points of view.
The professionals usually suggest that reviewing and talking suggestions from any third-party point of view or shifting our point-of-view is helpful. Thinking of yourself as impartial guidance can help reduce harsh behavior, negative behavior, and rage.
Check whether you are being honest about what you want
Not to say, women naturally have a habit of keeping their feelings to themselves. But it is not advised to do so when you feel any emotions regarding your partner. Try to express your thoughts in a mature way to your partner. When you do not want to share your demand or thoughts, naturally, it is not always possible for your partner to guess the reason. And as a result, your expectation gets crushed and bursts into flames.
If you are angry about something your partner did, then try to communicate with him and express your thoughts in a civilized way. When you stop showing your anger or frustration, you naturally do not allow your partner to know you. If you do not reveal your true self, it becomes difficult for your partner to satisfy your demands. As a result, your expectations get crushed, and you become frustrated.
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Do not try to manipulate the outcome
Every individual tries to stay away from misunderstanding and fights in a relationship. As a result, they try to manipulate the outcome of the casual fight. If you are arguing with your partner, ask yourself are you trying to manipulate the argument? You may avoid trying to manipulate your partner, as it may result in more distancing between you two.
Every couple already has a plan for how the relationship may go. If anyone tries to manipulate the outcome, then the relationship ends in disappointment. While trying to manage your man and the outcome of the relationship, you end up losing everything. So, try not to manipulate your partner’s decisions and try acting surprised.
Highlight your anger issues
When you start to regulate your reason for rage, you may come across various small anger issues, memories and emotions. You may think that the issues are not too big to express. But give a closer look. You can get a piece of valuable information hiding underneath your subconscious.
Rage can rise when you lose your patience level, when you feel ignored, disrespected, and when someone invades your privacy. That is why writing your feelings and emotions in a paper can ease your anger.
According to some renowned psychologists, seeing all your feelings in a paper can help you figure out the main factor for your anger. It will also help in determining how to express your anger without pushing him away. Try to highlight your anger issues, which will help you communicate with your partner about those issues.
Calm yourself
When you get furious, your logic and power of thinking get compromised. You calm yourself and think what the factor that encourages your anger is. Calm yourself will help you get to the conclusion about what made you angry. After you get a clear idea about the issues, you can express your anger without pushing your partner.
You must first calm yourself, as you cannot think while exploding into flames. Here is a breathing exercise you can perform to calm yourself. You breathe in and out while putting one hand on your chest and the other on your belly. That can help you relax your mind and subconscious memory and get rid of negative emotions. And you can get rid of issues that are bothering you.
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Consider starting your statement with ‘I Feel.’
A significant part of expressing and controlling your rage in a relationship is to get comfortable in uncomfortable situations. If you somehow get angry from your partner’s behavior, before questioning him, ask yourself if you are judging him or the situation that leads to your anger. Try not to ask about his behavior directly.
For example, your boyfriend is late, and it might get weird if you directly ask him, “Why are you always late?” That may lead to some discomfort between you two. He may get hurt feel ashamed and guilty.
But for instance, if you explain what you feel like this, “I feel weird standing alone and waiting for you,” you will see the difference in his behavior. He will be relaxed & focus on your requirements to be defensive. This technique may seem invalid, but trust me, you will see the result. You are giving him the opportunities to know more about you rather than just being a closed casket. As a result, if you start sharing your thoughts rather than arguing and blaming him, he will also share his expectations with you. That may be the most effective way to express your anger without pushing him away.
Try to involve him in your problems
When you get angry at your partner, you naturally want to order your demands to your partners. But expressing your demands is a kind of rude behavior; that may restrict his actions as he does not tell what he needs to do all the time.
When you order your demand, you do not involve him in your issues. Make sure to make him a part of your problems and think of an outcome where you both can be satisfied.
Once you make him a part of your problems, tell him what makes you angry or what you don’t want. That may make him realize what to improve without triggering his anger.
That can be a much more effective solution, as you are giving him a part of your problem and helping you get a proper solution to it. You give him a chance to rectify his behavior.
Talk it out after you calm down
Sometimes when you are mad at someone, it takes time to process the reason for your anger toward him. Always talk to your partner after you calm yourself up. You may process why you are angry and then work through your anger. First, you need to calm yourself down. When you think you are normal, then it may be the right time to consider talking about your issues politely with your partner.
When you calm yourself down, try to approach your partner and talk about your issues. Involve him in your difficulties and utilise the “I statement” to express why you’re upset. Try not to accuse directly and order it. That can trigger his anger, and something serious may happen.
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Ask about his opinion
Every boyfriend or husband wants to have a chance to be a part of a solution. Asking and giving some value to his opinion in a relationship is what every man expects from their partner. He will appreciate your thoughts more when you ask about their opinion”. It will make him realize that you value his thoughts and give him a chance to respond.
The measures to control your anger are a two-way road where you and your partner are supposed to take an equal part. So, after you express your opinion, ask him for his opinion too. You can ask him, “How can we possibly solve the problem?”
When your boyfriend or husband notices that you value their opinions and thoughts equally, it will automatically improve their morale and encourage them. That action can also make you both fall in love again with each other.
Consider consulting professional help
Ask yourself, “Is your anger getting out of control?” ” Is your rage interfering with your career and relationships?”. If the answer to these questions is yes, the simple solution is to contact some specialist. When you have failed to manage your anger issues and cannot figure out what made you angry, then it is time to consult a therapist.
Professional help may be helpful to you in this situation where your rage is destroying the things to value. Even if your anger is not troubling you, you can also consider counseling. Taking professional help is nothing wrong; there must be some reason why they are called professionals.
As we have already mentioned, getting irritated or frustrated is part of your emotions. And it is never wrong to express them; bottling up may affect you both physically and mentally. But when you think that you need some professional help to get rid of your anger issues & to sort out the reasons for your anger, you may contact a professional therapist. They can provide accurate guidance and help you get rid of your problems.
Tips to Release Your Frustrations Without being Hurtful to Boyfriend
Expressing your frustrations in a way that no one gets hurt is a sign of maturity. In your relationship, the moment you express your anger while hurting your boyfriend, your relationship may come to an end. Anger not only affects your relationship but is also harmful to your health. To keep your relationship stable, make sure to follow the tips given below.
What are different issues that cause rage in a relationship?
Anger in a relationship may result in heartbreak and separation. So, you need to be aware of various factors that will help you express your rage without pushing him away. Apart from those factors, you may also have an interest in knowing what may cause anger issues in a relationship.
Few factors are listed below that are responsible for rage or frustration in a relationship:
Less knowledge of your feelings or emotions
In a relationship, both of them should be well aware of their emotions and feelings. When you are unaware of your partner’s emotions automatically, you may also lose control of your feelings & as a result, a conflict may appear between the two. Always try to associate your feelings with emotions. That may encourage a civilized way to express your anger.
When you know how to associate your emotions with your feelings, you may improve in solving emotional issues. And you can visualize the actions influencing your relationship and can solve it.
When your partner consider their feelings first
When your partner uses a passive tone while communicating with you, that means aggression. Usually, when someone is mad, they tend to communicate in a passive tone and tend to have a primary focus on their emotions. This kind of communication may lead to arguments. Your partner may think that feelings matter more than your emotions.
Every individual may have their way of expressing emotions. So, it is better to communicate their feeling without hurting anyone. Learning the proper way to communicate can help you control your emotions and solve the issue without attacking your partner.
Unclear or twisted thoughts
A relationship can get ruined when your partner expresses anger while misjudging the situation. When your partner presents their rage with a twisted and unclear statement, it is very likely to start a conflict in your relationship. There are a few reasons why people start getting twisted thoughts about their partners, like,
- Misjudging the conversation or the situation.
- Always encouraging negative thoughts.
- Jumping to the conclusion without considering the obvious reasons.
Such thoughts and negative actions can create difficult situations for rational thinking.
Avoid doing things your partner does’t like
When you know some specific things that can make your partner go furious, avoid doing those exact things. Try to adjust with your partner. The relationship is all about adjustment or compromise. You may disagree with your partner’s opinion, but compromising and avoiding letting them know proves your maturity.
That may avoid any conflict in a relationship. But do not try to adjust too much with your partner; this may lead to other serious issues.
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