Hey friends! Let’s learn the 7 main causes of insecurity and How to overcome them!
Insecurity is a mental state! And like any other mental state, there are a few reasons behind it as well. We know how detrimental insecurities can be and how easily they can tear apart any relationship.
But there are ways to beat these reasons as well. However, many people are still unaware of these steps, and one wrong move in this scenario can make things even worse.
This is where this post comes to your aid. But before you start with the tackling methods, let’s understand first what insecurity is?
What Is Insecurity? Definition & Meaning
If you have realized that you are suffering from insecurity, then let me tell you, don’t think you are the only one. There are many people who are either knowingly or unknowingly suffering from insecurity. But how does it feel to be insecure? To put it simply, it sometimes feels like you are an imposter, and someone might just expose your real self at any time. With this constant feeling inside your head, the insecure person feels like nothing less than havoc, and his/her mental state becomes tormented incessantly.
Another very problematic thing is the timing of the whole thing. People who are insecure can never be confident about anything. And this can definitely ruin your chances to utilize an opportunity very important for you. It can be from anything like an interview, the presentation you have been working on for a week now, a date you have been looking forward to, or even when you are asked to give your opinion in a public setting, even during these important moments insecurity can strike you, and you may lose all your confidence.
Understanding your insecurity is another challenge that people suffering from it face quite often. This happens because you actually don’t have anything else or any kind of benchmark to compare your insecurity with. You will actually be quite lonely as there will be no one to tell you what is quite normal for you to do and what is nothing but some impulsive decision. The biggest problem you would face is that you would feel you are the only one who suffers from this problem and no one else is affected by it the way you are.
Just like with any other problem in the world, for this one also, communication is the key. The better you can communicate with others and with yourself, the easier it will be for you to deal with it. But for that, you need to first acknowledge the causes of insecurity. Only when you know all about the causes will you be able to fight it and overcome the torment you are in. Here, we are going to talk about some of the most common causes of insecurity to help you confront them first.
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Common Causes of Insecurity & How to Overcome?
Now, you must be wondering that you are quite different from people, then how can you relate to these common causes of insecurity. Well, although every individual is different and they have their own problems to deal with, however, the root of their insecurity can be traced back to these common causes. Everything starts with these issues and then goes on to develop specific problems.
So, let’s get started with our first cause.
Causes of Insecurity#1 Rejection Leading to Insecurity
Rejection is a very strong word, and it affects us deeply. It affects us in a way unlike anything else. Our mental health is dependent upon various factors, but some of the most important ones are value, respect, and love for one’s own self. If you put all these aspects together, you will get self-esteem which is the driving force of our sane mind and hidden source of confidence. If you are always afraid of rejection, then having a strong foundation and developing self-esteem will be the biggest challenge in your life.
Many people feel insecure right after their breakup, and it is quite natural as well. But you need to understand that your breakup or one single breakup is not the real reason behind it. There can be other things, like professional feud or failure in securing your dream job or being turned down when asked for a promotion. The list can go on. Regardless of the cause, these incidents will make you question your caliber and make you feel you don’t deserve a particular thing.
Most of these recent failures will make your self-doubt, and your judgment will be clouded without a doubt. Even after passing a considerable time after the event, the scar may still feel fresh, and you may feel scared of approaching the field again. Sometimes, you might just take a step back and turn your face to viable opportunities. No matter what you do, it can only prove to be detrimental for you.
So, how can you overcome this problem of rejection? How can you come to terms with it? The only way to do it is to let go of the recent memory of failure, make friends with it and build up your confidence once again.
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How to Overcome This Problem?
- Admit to yourself that it is absolutely natural. As you might have heard, even some of the greatest people have bad days. But they don’t let that one bad day ruin their whole confidence. Even famous celebrities also experience breakups. But they let it go and give love a second chance. It is never wise to hold onto them forever and ever. You just have to accept that it was a bad day and rejection is nothing but a part of your life.
- Think of the good days and your achievements. Instead of getting bummed up about one bad day or rejection, think about the achievements you have had in your personal and professional life. Success is always subjective. Never think that a failure is a time wasted. But always think of it as a learning opportunity presented to you.
- Ask for help from your friends or close ones. They can surely help you boost your morale and get back out there. Your friends can install the confidence back in you by telling you about the feat of success you have had so far. Sometimes you tend to forget the things you have achieved, and you need someone to remind you of them.
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Causes of Insecurity#2 Traumatic Experiences
Experiencing traumatic experiences in childhood can leave a huge impact on our minds and soul. Some people never really manage to get over this experience at all for a long, long time. Sometimes it is not just some experience from childhood, but some toxic relationship of adulthood can affect you the same way.
These experiences make us very much vulnerable and often incapable of fully trusting someone. This lack of trust gives birth to insecurities. Maybe you had one bad relationship, and now that past memory is still haunting you.
But there are ways to overcome this as well.
How to Overcome this?
- Speak your heart out with your partner. The more you will keep things to yourself, the greater the difference you will face in the relationship. If your partner is aware of the reason behind this insecurity, it will be easier for her to deal with it.
- Childhood traumas can have some connection with parenting. Speak to your parents and discover the truth behind the incident. You need to reconcile with your past in order to move forward.
- Consulting an expert in these cases can always be very helpful. If you feel things are going out of hand, then you should definitely call in an expert.
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Causes of Insecurity#3 Emotional Dependence
Some people are naturally dependent on people. Mostly their emotional side connects well with someone, and they get drawn to that person instantly. But sometimes, too much dependence can create insecurity.
When you are in a relationship, giving space to your partner is very important. But if you are too dependent on your partner, then not a single moment cannot be spared without her. But your own partner may not feel the same, and her asking for some time alone can cause insecurity in you.
You might experience jealousy when you see your partner hanging out with her friends. In the long run, this can be a huge problem.
How to Overcome This?
- Try to develop some new hobbies of your own. Your partner cannot just babysit you every time. So, you need to stop being so needy and take charge of your own life.
- Hand around with your friends. Just because you have a partner doesn’t mean your friends don’t exist anymore.
- Stop barging in her privacy. You need to communicate your issue without disrupting privacy. If your partner is sensible enough, then she will surely understand your situation.
- Avoid arguing about the issue every time it comes up. Learn to accept the problem you have, and it will resolve the issue quicker.
Also Read: Are you emotionally needy?
Causes of Insecurity#4 Social Anxiety Causing Insecurity
No one wants to feel judged by someone else, and when it comes to the fear of being socially judged, it is undoubtedly the worst thing to experience. This is why it is considered one of the most common and grave causes of insecurity. When the fear of being socially judged grips you, you would feel much more self-conscious, anxious, and even afraid when it comes to facing others. The worst part is that this problem will not just happen in front of strangers, but it can also happen with a group of colleagues or family members. Even if you are on a date with someone you genuinely like, this problem can occur unexpectedly.
If you look at the heart of it, then you will see the root cause being nothing else but self-doubt. People suffering from it will always think that they are not worth it. They feel they cannot contribute anything anywhere, and even their slightest attempt to do so will subject them to mockery for the rest of their lives.
Some of the reasons behind such behavior can be traced back to some traumatic experience back in childhood. For some, it can be an issue of bad parenting where the child always over-critical attitude from everyone around. Instead of appreciating whatever efforts they used to put in, constant criticism destroyed their confidence forever and replaced it with insecurity. Incidents of bullying can also be a reason.
Many often categorize it as social awkwardness, but it can go beyond that and cause even deeper problems. They are very much less likely to raise their hand in any situation or participate in anything. People suffering from such insecurity will never stand up even if they are capable of doing the job. They will try their best to avoid any kind of meeting and social gathering if possible. For these reasons, they have very limited personal and professional exposure, much more limited than other people.
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How Can You Overcome This?
- You need to stand face to face with the critic you have inside you. Because that is your biggest critic, and you are holding yourself back more than anyone else. Your inner critic is the one who holds you back before jumping head-on towards something. So, you need to face it and confidently tell yourself that you can, and you will succeed in your endeavors. You need to be firm against all the negative vibes you get.
- Prepare yourself for a social gathering. Take some minutes out and indulge in preparing yourself for the social gathering you are attending. It can be anything like a meeting or just an invitation. Whatever it is, think about the things you can say to make the evening interesting.
- Don’t have to go at length; you can easily start small. Small talks are perfect, to begin with, if you have this kind of issue going on. It can start from anywhere, like the weather or the menu you have in front of you. Just relax and let it unfold for you.
Causes of Insecurity#5 Trust Issues
A relationship is based on trust. But here, we are not just talking about romantic relationships, but also, your professional ones. Without trusting your colleagues or other people around you, will you be able to survive?
If you cannot trust anyone completely, it is very much likely; you have insecurity deeply rooted somewhere inside your psyche. There can be many reasons for this to happen. Maybe in your previous relationship, you trusted someone too much and got betrayed. And ever since, you face difficulties in trusting someone again completely.
But it can have long-term implications, and you need to overcome this issue to have a sane mental state.
How to Overcome it?
- Stop pondering about the fidelity of your partner. Constant trust issues with people can have tormenting mental health. They constantly doubt everyone and every action. The idea is to accept the fact that fidelity comes from within and not from subjugation.
- Try to focus on your life. You can start by trusting yourself first over others. People suffering from such a situation often fail to trust their own instincts.
- Start small. You can take baby steps and start with your friends if possible.
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Causes of Insecurity#6 Perfectionism Causing Insecurity
Having high standards about yourself is not a very thing. But sometimes, this tendency gets the better of us, and that is, we fall prey to the curse of perfectionism. People who have exceptionally high standards for themselves often get tormented by their own expectations. They constantly fear that they are going to fall short of something. It can invade every portion of their lives. From the clothes, they wear to the food they eat. Everything will have this same question about perfectionism.
The reason behind it is that these people often judge and compare their actions to some imaginary scale. This scale judges everything based on their perfection. But when someone gets too attached to this concept, it inevitably affects their mental health.
If you are a student or have just started your professional career, then it can have a profound effect on you. Since you are obsessed with perfection, you may even decide to postpone your academic year because you feel you haven’t reached perfection. Maybe you do have that skillset needed to pass the exam, but your sense of perfection gets in your way and makes you suffer in the long run.
This attitude can go beyond just matters related to yourself. Like, in your professional career, you may feel the same and drop many projects because you felt the boss wouldn’t approve of it. When you are obsessed with perfection, self-doubt is bound to come and make you question your ability to reach perfection.
People like this will have a tendency to put others before them in terms of quality and get frustrated with themselves. Since you are comparing yourself with a higher standard, you will feel others are better than you. To match their level, you often push yourself to do stuff unnecessary for you.
Since you are constantly comparing yourself with someone, it will take a toll on your mental health. Plus, due to social media, it has only become worse. Social media updates us about other people’s achievements regularly, which propels your habit of self-doubting. But there are ways to deal with it.
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How to Overcome It?
- Just start believing that perfectionism is subjective and it is nothing but an illusion. Some of the greatest men on this planet never had a perfect life, and their solutions weren’t perfect either. Still, they are of immense value, and they add a lot to our lives. You can be one of them as well. Just never stop believing this.
- Believe in your efforts more than you care about the results. The outcome of your effort will have several implications, and some of them may not stay in your control. So, instead of thinking about them, just focus on your effort.
- Just let that out, which you think is average. If you don’t let that out, then you will not be able to create room for something new. The more you will do trial and error, the more you will be able to learn. Waiting for that one perfect output will only waste your time.
- Basically, nobody cares about your obsession with perfectionism. They just wish their job to be done. And on top of that, you will be rewarded much more for the chances you took to finish the job rather than for the chances you wasted in your pursuit of perfection. That’s why when you watch the highlights of any match, you only get to see the good attempts they took towards the goal.
Causes of Insecurity#7 Own Appearance and Insecurity
There are many people who are not at all confident with the way they appear. They lack the confidence to accept the way they are. This is something that causes a kind of insecurity that compels them to stay away from the crowd and even other opportunities.
Maybe you have been bullied by your fat figure, or your parents have always complained about your puny frame. All of this can destroy the confidence you have in yourself and eventually lose the ability to accept who you are.
But if it is not treated, then it can have deep implications in the future.
How to Overcome It?
- Try not to make what other people think your standard. People who lack confidence often try to see themselves through the eyes of another person. This is what you need to stop.
- Motivate yourself that every individual is unique, and their appearance hardly makes any difference as much as their efforts. You will be praised for your performance rather than how you look.
- Stop comparing yourself with others. This is the only way to boost your confidence.
What Remains?
So, these are the things you need to do keep in mind to overcome the most common causes of insecurity. So, do you have any such personal experience? Then do feel free to share that with us in the comments section.
Best of luck!
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